Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Reflections on Returning to Orchard Lake: The Waters and the Land of My Childhood and Ancestors

My paternal grandparents' home on Orchard Lake today, remodeled.
"Cherry Hill," my grandparents' home as it was then. My father is on the walkway in front.
I am sitting where a small porch wall once was. Several photos of my brother and I were taken here nearly 70 years ago.
With my twin brother, John, age 4, on the porch wall of my grandparents' home, 1955.
One of the two pontoon boats that took our wedding party to and from Apple Island 47 years ago.
The pontoon boats were new when Jim and I were married in the summer of 1974.

My parents on Apple Island, July 27th, 1974.
My memories at Orchard Lake go back as far as I can remember.
Playful, happy times for John and me with our dad. Apple Island can be seen behind us.
My sweet brother.
Among the happiest times for John was when he was sailing. This is his first sailboat.
On our most recent trip to Michigan, I get to swim once again in Orchard Lake at one of our old family beaches, August 23rd, 2021.

Orchard Lake has long been a deeply special and sacred place for me. My brother and I grew up swimming in this lake in Michigan, as did my father and his siblings, and also my paternal grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents. My memories extend back as far as I can remember. 
 
I also married my first husband and our three sons’ father, Jim Murray, on Apple Island on July 27th, 1974. The pontoon boats that carried the wedding parties back and forth from the island all those many years ago are still there at one of our old family beaches. 
 
My grandparents, Frederick Smith Strong, Jr. and Marjorie Ward Strong, had once owned Apple Island. It wasn't until after my grandmother’s death that my grandfather donated the island and our family beach to the West Bloomfield School District. The pontoon boats then also came to serve the children of those schools, taking them to the island for nature study. 
 
Just over one year after our wedding in 1974, my father died suddenly at the age of 60. Two years later at the age of 26 my twin ended his life. Our mother went on to remain in her narcissistic illness until the miracle of her partial awakening beginning in 2013 at the age of 87. In those last years of her life, my mama opened her heart to love. My dad and brother, tragically, both lived out their lives with hearts that were defended and fortified against hurt... and, therefore, also love. But that is not the end of the story.
 
There was a lot of trauma and closely guarded secrets in my childhood family. It is also true that Orchard Lake holds some of my happiest memories. My brother sailed his first sailboat there. We played and snorkeled and swam in the summer and played in the snow in the winter. I loved staying at my grandparents’ home, which my great-grandparents had built for my grandparents and my father and his siblings when my dad was a tiny child.
So much history there. And today I get to return as an adult whose heart is open and holding with lovingkindness my younger self and my beloved family. Yes, there was a lot of generational and cultural pain in my family, as there is in countless other families. And there were also the precious times of shared happiness and play and adventure and immersion in the beauty of nature. Today I hold it all. 
 
As my husband Ron and I first approached Orchard Lake, there was a beautiful monarch butterfly resting near the shore. What a lovely symbol for the deep gifts of the stories of our lives that are embraced, healed, and alchemized into gratitude, compassion, blessing, and love. 
 
💗Molly 
 
From left to right, my dad & Aunt Mary (Fritz's wife), dad's siblings Peggy & Fritz & Roz, Super (my grandfather), my mom, Uncle Bill (Peggy's husband), on the porch of Cherry Hill, 1975.

 

Sunday, August 29, 2021

A Personal Story of Synchronicity, Grace, and Treasured Friendship

Ron and I enjoyed such a lovely evening together during our visit to Michigan last week with Eleanor Payson and her husband Tom.

My connection with Ellie is full of mystery and wonder. Many years ago a friend who knew that I was coping with an aging narcissistic mother recommended the book The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping With the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. All I needed to do was read the reviews to know that I had to get it.

And, indeed, this is by far the best book I’ve ever read on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and understanding and cultivating healthy skills to deal with someone suffering from this devastating illness. So I wrote its author to thank her and to share a piece of my story.

And Ellie wrote me back and then the incredible synchronicities began to emerge. We are both the same age. We both grew up swimming in the same lake in Michigan and had grandparents who lived on Orchard Lake. We both had a narcissistic parent and lost a brother to suicide. And, at different times, we both lived on the exact same street (Harcourt) in Grosse Pointe Park, which is where my parents built their first home and where I lived until age 6.

It is an amazing and mysterious gift when we connect with soulful loving friends who we share so much in common with. Ellie is among my treasured friends and I also adore her sweet husband. Deepest gratitude. 🙏💗

 Molly

 

Galway Kinnell: Sometimes It Is Necessary To Reteach Something Its Loveliness

 Lovely. 💗

Photo by Molly

David Bedrick writes: 
 
I had to share these lines of poetry from Galway Kinnell in my workshop around shame and neurodiversity yesterday.
BECAUSE in the center of our difficulties, our experience of being outliers or even marginalization, there lies a "bud" that can flower.
I love Galway's vision of reteaching a thing its loveliness by putting words and touch on the "brow of the flower."
Tears just rereading his words.
"The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing.”
 
*** 
 
 

David Bedrick: A Next Step In Healing Ourselves and Our Planet

Deep respect, affection, and gratitude to David Bedrick for his beautiful heart and the wisdom that flows through him. So needed in our hurting relationships and our hurting world. Molly

I learned to meditate when I was 29 years old.
I loved it, at least at first. Everything that arose in me, especially things that were difficult, I quickly took to my meditation room and cushion.
The impulse to meditate was particularly strong when I had relationship difficulties, which, I admit, were rather often.
If I felt hurt, I meditated. If I felt angry, I meditated. If I felt alone, I meditated. I learned quite a bit doing this.
BUT, and it's a big BUT, I didn't learn how to work out my relationship difficulties.
The meditation method taught me how to focus internally, but not how to focus on another person or to focus on the space between us.
In that way, I didn't know how to take my feelings of hurt, anger, aloneness, etc to my friends and partners. I didn't learn how to ask for what I needed. I didn't learn to have a healing conflict. I didn't learn to speak up for myself, to confront.
In a way, my meditation practice had become somewhat of a bypass technique I 'got over' my feelings alone instead of making intimacy out of them.
Today I believe in using focusing techniques and skills to "meditate" on the space between people. I believe that relationship, with myself, with another, with the Earth, is where many of us need to learn the most.
I believe that learning about relationship just may be the next step in healing ourselves and our planet.
 
David Bedrick
 

Understanding Democratic Socialism

This is worth posting again and again. 
Another world is possible! Molly

The word "socialism" is loaded with incorrect meanings. Here's a look at the root definition of words like capitalism, communism, and social democracy, and how democratic socialism fits in. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcAQB3oPzt0 

Afghanistan: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

My husband and I both watched this. EXCELLENT. Oh, how radically different our nation would be if we Americans were informed, I mean truly informed. Deepest bow of respect and gratitude to John Oliver and those like Amy Goodman and other independent journalists, truth-tellers, visionaries, and wisdom holders who relentlessly bring us the truth of larger pictures and who consistently hold the powerful accountable rather than acting as their mouthpieces.  

I also agreed with what Ron wrote when he posted this: "Grateful to John Oliver for doing what all the mainstream media can’t or won’t do honestly and fearlessly present the painful consequences of our adventurism in Afghanistan and around the world." Spot on. Molly

 Afghanistan: Last Week Tonight
with John Oliver 

John Oliver discusses the end of America’s war with Afghanistan, and the humanitarian crisis being left behind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dykZyuWci3g 

Chelan Harkin: You Are A Geode of Joy

You are a geode of joy
that longs to break open
Allow the pressure
of suffering to make you
her diamond
You are a Divine flute
that needs holes carved into it
to sing
Your wounds are the choicest
most fertile spot
for beauty to grow
her roses
Each trauma is a cellar
that slowly ferments
life into the mead
of honeyed compassion
Your broken places
are God’s workshop
where She performs
the great art of Her tenderness
Relax into all of you, darling.
God is in all that you are. 
 
Chelan Harkin 
 
Art: Beth Conklin
Image shared from The Cosmic Dancer