This was something that I wrote last month. I'm so grateful for my mother. I'm so grateful for miracles. And the power of Love. ❤
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| My mother and me, April 26th, 2019 |
Love Is the Most Amazing Force Within Us All
When I arrived last night to join my mother for dinner, she wasn’t in the large community dining area of her assisted living. That’s when I saw one of her caregivers who let me know that my mom is now being fed all three meals, not just breakfast, in the much smaller room where she’s joining three other residents who require staff to feed them.
My heart sank. And I wasn’t surprised. Two days earlier, and every day I’d been visiting for some time, I had observed my mother as needing help with part or all of most meals. It’s been a steady decline that’s accompanied loss of mobility and increasing memory loss. I felt this sadness watching my mother gradually leave. And I experienced the preciousness of each moment we have together.
So when people ask how my mother is, it’s complicated. She now needs help in the form of assistance with everything — dressing, toileting, bathing, mobility, eating. AND my mom continues to be in full remission from the severe mental illness she’d suffered from for the entirety of her adult life. She’s not crazy anymore. She’s not rejecting and cruel and brutal, not even a tiny bit. WOW. My mother is a miracle. As is the love we’re able to share today that everyone had thought was impossible, totally and completely impossible. What I’ve learned is that miracles do happen and sometimes the impossible just takes longer to come, a lot longer. Yet, love happens...
And so I walked down the hallway to where my mother now eats her meals. She had just finished. As usual, Mom’s face lit up when she saw me, as did mine when I saw her, and we gazed into each other’s eyes and shared kisses. Her caregiver then told me that there had only been yogurt for dessert. A light bulb went on. “Oh, Mom, how’d you like to go to the Bistro together and get some ice cream?” A smile swept across my mother’s face. So that became our plan. And as we walked out of the small room where she’d been fed her dinner, Mom said to her dinner time caregiver, “Thank you for your kindness.” This from someone who’d previously been so incredibly narcissistic and had no experience with gratitude. Miracles happen.
Once in Glenwood Place’s Bistro, we ordered her chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup, which I fed to my mother after getting her bib on. And Mom was more present and aware. She voiced how kind everyone is. And I affirmed how wonderful that is. And I found myself bringing up the Dalai Lama and how he talks about kindness being his religion. And I said how kindness is also my religion. And Mom looked into my eyes and said, “You’re so very kind.” And we gazed more into each other’s eyes and told one another how much we are loved.
Once back in her apartment, we held hands and continued gazing. I was struck by how deeply my mother looked into my eyes. It felt like we were looking into each other’s hearts and souls. And Mom picked up my hand and brought it to her mouth and proceeded to kiss me so many times that I lost count. I smiled and said I can’t keep up with her, but would try and returned many kisses.
When my mother commented on my pretty nails, I told her that I’d like to bring bright red and paint her nails. Mom responded, “Pale red.” And I then told my mom how I’d always done my own nails — except one time. I shared how when Ron and I were brand new dating and how we were staying at my friends' beach home and I was about to do my nails when Ron volunteered that he’d like to be the one to paint my nails. I told my mom how sweet and romantic that experience was. And I said what a special man Ron is.
Mom responded, “He sure is. And Ron picks special women.” She paused and then added, “I shouldn’t make this plural.... You know what I mean.” My mom just cracks me up! And such simple moments are treasures worth more than all the money in the world. So I began to write down my mother’s exact words when one of her sweet caregivers came in the room and captured this picture.
Love is a most amazing force within us all. Sometimes we forget and fall asleep for any number of reasons and adopt this false persona that is not who we truly are. This is something that happened for both my mother and me. And this happens to so many of us. But then sometimes a doorway opens and we’re swept up in the mysterious and miraculous forces of Grace and Love. And we get to wake up. And then EVERYTHING IS WOW! Just Wow! Deep, deep bow of gratitude. 🙏
May we all be so blessed. — Molly
My heart sank. And I wasn’t surprised. Two days earlier, and every day I’d been visiting for some time, I had observed my mother as needing help with part or all of most meals. It’s been a steady decline that’s accompanied loss of mobility and increasing memory loss. I felt this sadness watching my mother gradually leave. And I experienced the preciousness of each moment we have together.
So when people ask how my mother is, it’s complicated. She now needs help in the form of assistance with everything — dressing, toileting, bathing, mobility, eating. AND my mom continues to be in full remission from the severe mental illness she’d suffered from for the entirety of her adult life. She’s not crazy anymore. She’s not rejecting and cruel and brutal, not even a tiny bit. WOW. My mother is a miracle. As is the love we’re able to share today that everyone had thought was impossible, totally and completely impossible. What I’ve learned is that miracles do happen and sometimes the impossible just takes longer to come, a lot longer. Yet, love happens...
And so I walked down the hallway to where my mother now eats her meals. She had just finished. As usual, Mom’s face lit up when she saw me, as did mine when I saw her, and we gazed into each other’s eyes and shared kisses. Her caregiver then told me that there had only been yogurt for dessert. A light bulb went on. “Oh, Mom, how’d you like to go to the Bistro together and get some ice cream?” A smile swept across my mother’s face. So that became our plan. And as we walked out of the small room where she’d been fed her dinner, Mom said to her dinner time caregiver, “Thank you for your kindness.” This from someone who’d previously been so incredibly narcissistic and had no experience with gratitude. Miracles happen.
Once in Glenwood Place’s Bistro, we ordered her chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup, which I fed to my mother after getting her bib on. And Mom was more present and aware. She voiced how kind everyone is. And I affirmed how wonderful that is. And I found myself bringing up the Dalai Lama and how he talks about kindness being his religion. And I said how kindness is also my religion. And Mom looked into my eyes and said, “You’re so very kind.” And we gazed more into each other’s eyes and told one another how much we are loved.
Once back in her apartment, we held hands and continued gazing. I was struck by how deeply my mother looked into my eyes. It felt like we were looking into each other’s hearts and souls. And Mom picked up my hand and brought it to her mouth and proceeded to kiss me so many times that I lost count. I smiled and said I can’t keep up with her, but would try and returned many kisses.
When my mother commented on my pretty nails, I told her that I’d like to bring bright red and paint her nails. Mom responded, “Pale red.” And I then told my mom how I’d always done my own nails — except one time. I shared how when Ron and I were brand new dating and how we were staying at my friends' beach home and I was about to do my nails when Ron volunteered that he’d like to be the one to paint my nails. I told my mom how sweet and romantic that experience was. And I said what a special man Ron is.
Mom responded, “He sure is. And Ron picks special women.” She paused and then added, “I shouldn’t make this plural.... You know what I mean.” My mom just cracks me up! And such simple moments are treasures worth more than all the money in the world. So I began to write down my mother’s exact words when one of her sweet caregivers came in the room and captured this picture.
Love is a most amazing force within us all. Sometimes we forget and fall asleep for any number of reasons and adopt this false persona that is not who we truly are. This is something that happened for both my mother and me. And this happens to so many of us. But then sometimes a doorway opens and we’re swept up in the mysterious and miraculous forces of Grace and Love. And we get to wake up. And then EVERYTHING IS WOW! Just Wow! Deep, deep bow of gratitude. 🙏
May we all be so blessed. — Molly
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