"In the Practice of Tolerance, One's Enemy is the Best Teacher"
- the Dalai Lama
It has now been nine days since my mother and I last saw each other. And although it has been four days since Mom "transitioned" from her home here in Washington state to Michigan, the blanket restraining order remains in place which continues to allow no contact for our 87 year old mother and grandmother with her family or with family friends. This severing of family ties comes in the wake of what had been my mother's daily contact for over two months with myself, grandsons and others who care deeply and know the struggles my mom faces with major depression, dementia/Alzheimer's, and a lifetime of untreated mental health issues which did not begin to be consistently addressed until her move here this past May. And now there is this separation with her family.
I lay awake at night and my heart aches with worry, prayers, love, grief, and the not knowing of how my mother is. And while I am so grateful that our sons' paternal grandmother is here now visiting from Texas, I ache that Grandma Nan will not be at the wedding of her eldest grandson Brian and his beloved Marita today. Most of all I hold my mother deeply in my heart and prayers that she make it through this extremely painful, distressing, frightening and confusing time. I also believe that all the prayers, love, caring and support extended to Nancy is having an effect on my mother, wherever she is. I am eternally grateful for everyone who has sent heartfelt compassion and caring for my mother and our family, and from locally to around the country and beyond. Words cannot adequately express my thanks. The momentum of this loving energy sustains us all through this very difficult time.
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| Grandma Nan with Marita and Brian, who will marry today |
Again
and again I am also reminded that in the larger picture it does not matter what I want or
what the other party wants. All that matters is what my mother needs and
what is in her highest good. Youngest grandson, Matt, has been so
upset, as we all have. Angrily he exclaimed several days ago, "Take all the
money! Just give us back my grandma!" We all know that our mother and grandmother needs her family.
I also recognize that my mother's story has touched so many because it is larger than our family. It is not my mother, myself and our family alone who have been traumatized and whose hearts have been deeply touched by the amazing story of our reconnection over the past six months, only to be followed by this forced separation. Only for those who have lived with great loss - and as humans, we all do - can we understand the treasure, blessing, miracle, and great gift that our reconnecting as a family has meant. And now the pain of loss. To the degree that our hearts are open, this story has touched many because it reflects a human story. We all yearn to lessen the suffering in the lives of others, in our own lives, and in the lives of those we love.
I also recognize that my mother's story has touched so many because it is larger than our family. It is not my mother, myself and our family alone who have been traumatized and whose hearts have been deeply touched by the amazing story of our reconnection over the past six months, only to be followed by this forced separation. Only for those who have lived with great loss - and as humans, we all do - can we understand the treasure, blessing, miracle, and great gift that our reconnecting as a family has meant. And now the pain of loss. To the degree that our hearts are open, this story has touched many because it reflects a human story. We all yearn to lessen the suffering in the lives of others, in our own lives, and in the lives of those we love.
Nearly
25 years ago I first read the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes: One of
the most important psychic decisions we will ever make in our lifetimes
is whether or not to be bitter. Those words penetrated my heart as I began to first reflect on the truth and power of this decision. Indeed, I have been witness to the impact of these deeper choices we make, consciously or otherwise, in my own life and those of others. The wisdom of setting the intention to awaken, to grow in compassion, to not hold onto that what harms, and to open to allowing my heart to break open rather than shut down has changed my life.
Truly, each and every one of us are somewhere on the continuum of expanding or contracting our hearts. These choices are reflected in the way we live our lives, in how aligned our actions are with our values, in how tender, authentic, and grounded in truth, integrity, caring and compassion we are. The older we get, the greater the consequences and the potential gifts are of the decisions we make in how we will live our lives. I do not believe in a punishing god. I do believe that again and again and again we humans are offered opportunities to awaken, to awaken more deeply, to become more wholly the Sacred being we have always been, and to experience the thread which connects and weaves through the Heart of all beings.
It is not that I don't struggle with all this - I do! Piled on top of our family's great losses is the fact that another family has, both subtly and blatantly, sought for over seven years to take the place of our family in my mother's life with the intent of gaining financially upon her death. Staying open in my heart in the face of this reality and the extraordinary pain it causes challenges me deeply. It is messy, imperfect, and very difficult. This is life in all its extraordinary darkness.. and potential beauty... At the same time, I also come back again and again to my promise to my children, to my brother, my mother, my dad, myself and this beautiful world that connects me with all beings. And again and again I root into the powerful intention that I absolutely refuse to allow my heart to stay in a place of shutting down, shutting up, shutting out life, love, compassion, and the deeper wisdom of my soul.
Paradoxically, it is my life's greatest struggles with embracing, healing, learning lessons, and transforming the experiences I have had in my life with my mother that has given me the exact strength, wisdom, compassion, and fierce tenderness and intention to stand in loving protection of her today. My mom has been among my greatest teachers. Her struggles to experience compassion are exactly what has fueled my passion for compassion.
And compassion, I have discovered, is the antidote for bitterness and for all other forms of violence we direct at ourselves and others - objectification, oppression, hatred, rage, blame, judgment, and all the many faces of disconnection from our hearts and the heart of other humans, other beings, and our Sacred Earth Mother. Outrage can be channeled to create more love, peace, and caring in the world, not violence.
So, today, I don't hate anyone, I don't look upon those who cause harm - even to those I most love - as enemies. As I have so deeply been in the past myself, I am aware that only wounded people who are asleep, unaware, unconscious can so blindly cause such pain, suffering, and harm. These same people are also my teachers, my opportunities to expand my heart, to embrace equanimity, and to grow stronger in my commitment to being a peaceful warrior. May we all grow in our intention to stand in protection of those who are vulnerable, and - as best as we can one day, one moment at a time - to be the peace our world needs.
Your continued prayers for my mom are deeply appreciated.
Truly, each and every one of us are somewhere on the continuum of expanding or contracting our hearts. These choices are reflected in the way we live our lives, in how aligned our actions are with our values, in how tender, authentic, and grounded in truth, integrity, caring and compassion we are. The older we get, the greater the consequences and the potential gifts are of the decisions we make in how we will live our lives. I do not believe in a punishing god. I do believe that again and again and again we humans are offered opportunities to awaken, to awaken more deeply, to become more wholly the Sacred being we have always been, and to experience the thread which connects and weaves through the Heart of all beings.
It is not that I don't struggle with all this - I do! Piled on top of our family's great losses is the fact that another family has, both subtly and blatantly, sought for over seven years to take the place of our family in my mother's life with the intent of gaining financially upon her death. Staying open in my heart in the face of this reality and the extraordinary pain it causes challenges me deeply. It is messy, imperfect, and very difficult. This is life in all its extraordinary darkness.. and potential beauty... At the same time, I also come back again and again to my promise to my children, to my brother, my mother, my dad, myself and this beautiful world that connects me with all beings. And again and again I root into the powerful intention that I absolutely refuse to allow my heart to stay in a place of shutting down, shutting up, shutting out life, love, compassion, and the deeper wisdom of my soul.
Paradoxically, it is my life's greatest struggles with embracing, healing, learning lessons, and transforming the experiences I have had in my life with my mother that has given me the exact strength, wisdom, compassion, and fierce tenderness and intention to stand in loving protection of her today. My mom has been among my greatest teachers. Her struggles to experience compassion are exactly what has fueled my passion for compassion.
And compassion, I have discovered, is the antidote for bitterness and for all other forms of violence we direct at ourselves and others - objectification, oppression, hatred, rage, blame, judgment, and all the many faces of disconnection from our hearts and the heart of other humans, other beings, and our Sacred Earth Mother. Outrage can be channeled to create more love, peace, and caring in the world, not violence.
So, today, I don't hate anyone, I don't look upon those who cause harm - even to those I most love - as enemies. As I have so deeply been in the past myself, I am aware that only wounded people who are asleep, unaware, unconscious can so blindly cause such pain, suffering, and harm. These same people are also my teachers, my opportunities to expand my heart, to embrace equanimity, and to grow stronger in my commitment to being a peaceful warrior. May we all grow in our intention to stand in protection of those who are vulnerable, and - as best as we can one day, one moment at a time - to be the peace our world needs.
Your continued prayers for my mom are deeply appreciated.
Namaste ~ Molly
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| Precious moments, treasured memories |
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Joy comes not through possession or ownership but through a wise and loving heart. Weigh the true advantages of forgiveness and resentment to the heart. Then choose.
- Jack Kornfield
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