Some Thoughts On Harshness, Healing, and Becoming the Helpers Our World Needs

Photo by Molly ― Kuan Yin

Some Thoughts On Harshness, Healing, and

Becoming the Helpers Our World Needs

Today I have been reminded of  Mr. Rogers. He famously quoted his mother saying to "look for the helpers" when things get scary and painful and hard. And these are certainly hard times.

My heart is just feeling really tender right now. And sad, really sad with all the harshness that is too often all around us and inside of us. I see this harshness in how we may react to those in positions of power who are causing so much harm, to the person we flip off after they cut us off on the freeway, to family members or friends who have unaddressed trauma and addictions, to people whose religion or race or politics or sexual orientation is different from our own, to our own children or pets who aren't doing what we want them to, and on and on.

And I am reminded of Mr. Rogers who emphasized how important it is to do our best to never use harshness. We can be angry, we can feel scared, we can want to strike back when threatened. And, yet, Fred Rogers wisely spoke of how harshness is never the answer. It never helps. Yes, we can be firm, we can express our needs and emotions, we can assert our boundaries ― and all of this and more can be done without harshness.

In this moment I'm feeling weighted down with all the harshness that is so normalized and justified in our culture and in ourselves. I feel grief, grief for how unskilled we humans can be and how often it is that we add to the harm within ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations, and beyond rather than being among those who are "helpers." 

Photo by Molly

My intentions are simple: Do no harm. Alleviate the suffering in the world. Live my life as a prayer. 

To do my very best each day to live in alignment with my intentions and my deepest values requires of me many things. Among them are a consistent gratitude practice, recognition of beauty and grace, connection with empathy and compassion, an honoring of what is sacred, and my evolving capacity to give and receive and be love. 

Added onto that is also mindfulness, accountability, humility, healing my own wounds in an ongoing way, consciousness of when I am reacting rather than responding, recognition of and intervening on old triggers, openness to teachable moments, an understanding of trauma, commitment to walking my talk, and growing my capacity to respond skillfully to my pain and the pain in our world.

It's easy to say that we are of this religious or that spiritual practice. Yet, how authentically aligned are we with the values we profess to hold in the way that we live our lives? Do we leave our spiritual practice behind when we leave the church, synagogue, sweat lodge, dharma hall, or meditation cushion? Or do we continue to bring forth the light of our hearts and the wisdom of our souls?

Am I trying to say that we should be perfect? No, not at all. I am, after all, a recovering perfectionist. And I can certainly be unskillful in my own thoughts and behaviors. I am human. So, no, this is not in any way about being perfect or a saint or enlightened.

All this said, if we are human, and if we are blessed with resilience and grace, we can do the ongoing work of continuing to grow into our greater fullness and potential as embodied wise and loving human beings. We can inspire and be inspired to be among the "helpers" ― those who are adding to the healing and health and higher good of us all rather than the harshness and harm that is so prevalent in our culture and beyond.

Each and every day we are creating ripples. May we choose wisely what it is that we bring to the greater whole of which we are all connected. 

Bless us all, no exceptions ―

🙏💗 Molly