Jeff Brown speaks wisely and compassionately of so many deeper experiences and truths which I have experienced and which have certainly impacted my life and those of countless others. My personal experiences include the suicide of my twin brother, being swept up in addictions and later in limiting New Age beliefs, my long journey of healing and transforming trauma and shedding more and more obstacles to love, and growing into an ever-increasingly fully embodied human being. It is my perspective that the quotes below are glimpses and nuggets of wisdom which many may find helpful, as I have, in empowering us to heal and to live our lives with growing consciousness and compassion, courage and kindness, and tenderness and love. — Molly
It's not ALL good. It's not all a positive lesson. It's not all a suffering we chose. It's not all happening for some good reason. Let's cut the crap. Yes, there is GROWTHFUL SUFFERING- that is, suffering that we either needed to grow or suffering that we were able to grow from- but there is also NEEDLESS SUFFERING- that is, suffering that did not teach us anything of value, suffering that does not serve anything good. Millions of people have been raped, violated and murdered on this planet as a reflection of the latter. When we reach a stage where our suffering and challenges all contain a seed of positive transformation, we will have evolved to a stage of human development that we have yet to reach. So lets hold our hearts compassionately open to those who suffer needlessly, and not re-frame their experiences with ungrounded new cage affirmations that allow us to sidestep a genuine grief process. The more deeply we can surrender to authentic emotional processes, the more effectively we will create a world without needless suffering. The more often we bypass our compassion with artificial re-frames, the longer we will attract needless suffering into our world. When we can reach a stage where we all grieve tragedy wholeHEARTedly, we will begin to set the intention necessary to craft a kinder world.
Many severe trauma survivors will never fully heal, let alone come to believe they were "right where they were supposed to be" when the traumas occurred. Not everything is about "the courage to heal." Some people have been too deeply traumatized and simply cannot utilize their will in those ways. It takes all that they have, and more courage than many of us can imagine, just to keep going. Until we get that, I mean truly get that, we will not create the kind of compassionate world we all need.
Some trauma histories mix better than others. This is a primary reason why some relationships flourish, and others don't. Some trigger patterns coalesce well, while others just get worse. A conscious intention to heal together can go a long ways, but it's not always enough. Not because you are bad people, but because your stuff and their stuff just don't blend well. This isn't something to beat yourself up for. We are all trauma survivors, to one degree or another. We can't feel safe with just anyone. It has to trauma align. If love relationship is a priority for you, the trick is to find someone with a trauma history that can get along with yours. Not just tolerating each other's stuff, but actually healing and transforming it together. This is the key to relationship success in a traumatized world.
You can't solve the problem if you can't own the problem. That's where many of us get stuck individually and relationally. We can't admit that there's an issue, so we remain trapped inside of it. The door to transformation opens the moment we acknowledge that something needs to be resolved. Self-admission turns the key.
Most of the greatest achievements on the planet are unknown to others — private overcomings, silent attempts at belief, re-opening a shattered heart. These are the real heroes. The real path of heroes truly lies within: the transformation of suffering into expansion, the clearing of horrifying debris, the building of a healthy self-concept without tools. The greatest achievers have found a way to believe in something good, despite being traumatized and fractured on life's battlefields. No matter what else they accomplish in their lives, they are already champions. One day the world will realize that it is much harder to heal a shattered heart than to excel at worldly matters. Gold metals all around...
When you reach a stage where you can have a very dark and difficult experience, without having to "look on the bright side," then you know that you have made progress on your healing journey. Because one significant measure of our emotional health, is our capacity to tolerate all of our experiences without jumping to reactive reframes. You reach stage where you can stretch to accommodate the truth of your lived experience. You have enough light inside, to own the shadow. And enough shadow inside to own the light.
Healing isn't a short-term process. It's a long-term practice. Because it's not just about healing the wound itself. It's also about retrieving what has been lost, integrating new parts, maturing in the places the trauma obstructed. It's about developing into the truest version of yourself possible, after years buried below the weight of adaptation and disguise. It's about catching up to your self, after years on the run. Healing is a long-term practice.
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