Treasured Moments With My Mother

This is something that I wrote yesterday after doing a window visit with my mom. I'm also moved to include more photographs from over time below. It's been nearly 7 years since my mother first came to live near us here in the Pacific Northwest. I treasure every day, every moment....

This was today...

There are countless difficult and painful experiences that are felt by so many of us in these sad times. I’m very conscious — among so many other challenges and sorrows — of how my mom and I are among millions across the country and beyond who are not able to visit elderly loved ones as they did before the COVID-19.

I am also aware that my mama and I are among the lucky ones — there’s been no coronavirus in her assisted living, and my mother’s caregivers are able to assist us in doing window visits and FaceTime — when my mom is awake enough. I am deeply grateful for all of the above.

And it’s still really hard. There’s this heaviness in my heart that is always there, either consciously or unconsciously. I’m grieving that there are these limitations now at the end of my mom’s life — that I can’t kiss her, hug her, hold her hand, feed her, feel the texture of her skin, listen to the sounds of her breathing, speak softly into her ear, and gaze up close into my mother’s eyes.

Instead I stand outside a window, like I did today.

The last couple of visits my mother wasn’t in her wheelchair in her living room, but was being fed dinner in her bed. Recently she’s been too tired for visits earlier in the day. Week by week, the Alzheimer’s is claiming more and more of my mother.

A couple of times today, my mom was able to turn her head and look at me and smile slightly. That’s more than she was able to do yesterday. I wasn’t sure if she knew who I am. Regardless, and most importantly, I was able to see my mom and to tell her how much I love her. It’s the smallest things that are the biggest things which also mean so much.

My heart goes out so deeply to all of us who are struggling with painful, scary, and sad experiences now. There are so many of us. Bless us all. ❤ Molly