The mental health field is discovering the importance of accepting emotional pain. Ordinarily, when a person come to therapy saying "I'm stressed out," the therapist tries to help him or her reduce the stress, perhaps by teaching relaxation skills. Therapists are very obliging that way. Sometimes they try to change the distorted thinking that seems to make a person depressed (for example, "I'm stupid," or "I'll always be abandoned in the end.") These strategies fit into the category of "Tell me the problem and we'll fix it." In essence, therapists and clients unwittingly join forces, trying to uproot negative experience.
These approaches have met with reasonable success. Recent research indicates, however, that the healing mechanisms behind successful therapy are not what we thought they were: It's the process of establishing a new relationship with our thoughts and feelings, rather than directly challenging them, that makes the difference. This new relationship is less avoidant, less entangled, more accepting, more compassionate, and more aware. Leaning into our problems with open eyes and an open heart - with awareness and compassion - is the process by which we get emotional relief.
- Christopher K. Germer, Ph.D., The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion:
Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
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