Misogyny, Patriarchy, and Sexual Violence in America

There is a Saying in 12 Step Programs:

We Are as Sick as Our Secrets

American culture has a dark and violent side to it that has always existed. One horrific aspect is related to the pervasiveness of violence perpetrated against girls and women. This violence has remained epidemic because of the nature of power and patriarchy, denial and minimization, blaming and shaming of victims, and our unwillingness as a people to embrace head on the reality of a culture which has from the very beginning had its roots in the ideology of domination rather than partnership. 

I bring up the most current rendition of the face of the shadow side of violence in America — this time between Senator Joe Biden and his accuser Tara Reade — because this story is yet again just the very tip of the iceberg. The victim blaming, denial and lies, and complicity and enabling that we are witness to now has long been the fertile ground for perpetrators and rape culture to continue unchecked. It is also true that this complicity has long occurred not just among men, but also among women who unknowingly are also swept up in defending the actions of violence against other women. 

The Me Too movement has now taken hold and this is beginning to shift — but only beginning. We continue to have a long, long ways to go.

Violence Against Women 

1. Misogyny and patriarchy and the violence, disregard, disdain, dismissal, and dehumanization it engenders remains pervasive in American culture.

2. Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime. Given how often sexual violence goes unreported, the actual numbers are much higher.

3. I was sexually assaulted by a former boyfriend in college 50 years ago. The incident filled me with shame and I stuffed it away for nearly 5 decades. It took the Me Too movement to bring it to the surface for healing. It's also true that just because I was an alcoholic and sometimes lied or said or did crazy things does not mean the assault didn't happen. It did.

4. All of us know and/or have been victims ourselves. All of us know perpetrators of sexual violence. We just may not know who they are.

5. This is an excellent article about countering the narrative of rape culture — The Inconvenient Case of Rape: https://www.commondreams.org/views/2020/04/07/inconvenient-truth-rape

The Case of Tara Reade and Joe Biden

Please refer to the following resources for an in-depth examination:

1. Tara Reade's Ex-Neighbor on Biden Sexual Assault Allegation: I Believed Her Than & I Believe Her Now: https://www.democracynow.org/2020/5/1/lynda_lacasse_tara_reade_joe_biden

2. Biden's Accuser Says Mother Called Into "Larry King Live" in 1993 for Advice After Alleged Sexual Assault: https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/25/politics/tara-reade-mom-larry-king/index.html

3. Tara speaks of not coming forward sooner to protect her then teenage daughter from the repercussions of coming forward — Former Staffer Tara Reade Says Joe Biden Sexually Assaulted Her in 1993. Here's What We Know: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/04/28/joe-biden-sexual-assault-allegation-what-we-know-tara-reade/3039909001/

4. The New Tara Reade Revelations Make It Imperative That Biden Address the Allegations Directly: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-new-tara-reade-revelations-make-it-imperative-that-biden-address-the-allegations-directly/2020/04/29/1d2f8e74-8a58-11ea-8ac1-bfb250876b7a_story.html

5. Senator Biden has written a letter requesting that the National Archives be searched for any record of a complaint made by Tara Reade. However, such records are not kept there — they are kept at the University of Delaware. Senator Biden was asked if he would request that those records be released, and he said no: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/01/us/politics/joe-biden-tara-reade-msnbc.html. Last night on PBS News Hour, not a stronghold of progressive reporting, it was stated that ultimately Joe Biden will need to request a full investigation that would include a search of the records held at the University of Delaware. 

Attacks To Demonize and Undermine Credibility of Tara Reade 

I will not give this much space here as these attacks serve to distract from the truth of the allegations and how they are collaborated. These attacks are also complicit with perpetrators and perpetuate rape culture. Included among them are demonstrably false stories, with the most extreme narratives asserting that Putin or "Bernie Bros" put Tara Reade up to coming forward. 

Of course, the whole narrative about "Bernie Bros" has been debunked multiple times, including here by award winning investigative journalist Glen Greenwald in The Intercept — The "Bernie Bros" Narrative: a Cheap Campaign Tactic Masquerading as Journalism and Social Activism: https://theintercept.com/2016/01/31/the-bernie-bros-narrative-a-cheap-false-campaign-tactic-masquerading-as-journalism-and-social-activism/.

The only other thing that I'll add is a question: If this had been your daughter or sister or mother or friend coming forward with these allegations, what would you want the your response and the response of others to be?

Finding Solutions 

The overwhelming evidence makes clear that there has long been an imperative to address rape culture and stop actively or passively colluding with the perpetrators of violence against women and girls. Sure, most women and men say that women should be believed. This holds for all of us — but only to the extent that we are committed to consistently putting principles before personalities and following the threads of truth wherever they may lead.

I have long recognized that the price of sweeping things under the rug — whether in relationships, families, workplaces, in our media and government, or nationally with the cultural stories we live by — comes with a huge cost. Truth matters. Truth needs to matter to all of us. Who we turn to for our information and as teachers who help us to be informed and to grow as human beings matters. Noam Chomsky, Chris Hedges, Henry Giroux, and other scholars and nationally and internationally known investigative journalists, public intellectuals, visionaries and wisdom-keepers have long warned us of how massively propagandized we Americans are. 

When I first began hearing things I didn't understand and which were outside of my comfort zone, and despite my resistance, I was simply compelled to pursue the truth. I had to. And we all need to. Truth needs to trump our fears and the anguish and betrayal we experience when we learn that those we once respected and held in high regard are not who we thought they were and have actually caused great harm to others and the Earth. We need to be brave enough to pursue the truth no matter where it leads and no matter how painful.

Sure, it's frightening that Biden is accused of sexual assault. It may appear easier to accept that Tara Reade is a plant by Putin or Bernie Bros or just some disturbed woman who needs psychiatric care. But isn't it time that we put down the bats and stop pummeling those who speak the truth? Sexual violence will not end until we decide to no longer collude with it by defending its perpetrators. It's also true that none of the most critical crises of our times will be able to be collectively addressed, healed, and transformed until we come out of our denial — and until we come to choose our sources of information wisely.

Who do you turn to? Who are your teachers? Who informs and inspires you? Who helps you to evolve and grow and, ultimately, to deepen in your capacity to care and to love?

Although I could not even begin to list them all, these are among those I consider to be among the diversity of my treasured teachers: 

Pema Chödrön, Riane Eisler, Joanna Macy, Jane Goodall, Naomi Klein, Amy Goodman, Arundhati Roy, Vandana Shiva, Alice Walker, Maya Angelou, Rachel Carson, Dorothy Day, Granny D, Grace Lee Boggs, Howard Zinn, Martin Luther King, Jr., James Baldwin, Nelson Mandela, Bernie Sanders, Rabbi Michael Lerner, Noam Chomsky, Chris Hedges, Daniel Ellsberg, Bill Moyers, Bill McKibben, Dahr Jamail, David Korten, Michael Meade, Francis Weller, Henry Giroux, Jeremy Scahill, Roxane Dunbar-Ortiz, Chalmers Johnson, Timothy Snyder, Thích Nhất Hạnh, the Dalai Lama, Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Judith Duerk, Frances Moore Lappé , Brené Brown, Angeles Arrien, Mary Oliver, John O'Donohue, Rumi, Jack Kornfield, Desmond Tutu, Doug Pullin, my three sons, my loving husband Ron Matela, many beloved and wise friends, the Earth, and the list goes on and on...

How Will I Vote

Given that Mr. Trump is a malignant sociopathic narcissist and the most dangerous president in our country’s history, I will do anything that is needed to see Trump defeated. When I choose between who want my opponent in the White House to be, and even though it is a painful choice, I know that I want that opponent to be Biden. If my vote in Washington State is not needed to defeat Trump, I will fill in Bernie Sanders. If my vote is needed to defeat the most dangerous president we've ever known, I will vote for Joe Biden.

This is among the better articles which sums up where I stand — A Guide to Voting in 2020 Like It's Not a Big Deal: https://mollystrongheart.blogspot.com/2020/04/a-guide-to-voting-in-2020-like-its-not.html.

Two Recommendations

It's my deep belief that there is great need for us as human beings to engage in an ongoing quest to seek the larger awareness, understanding, and consciousness which awaits beyond the vista we now see. I will end with suggesting two resources from among my many treasured teachers, visionaries, wisdom-keepers, and truth-tellers.

1. Rabbi Michael Lerner's latest book Revolutionary Love: A Political Manifesto to Heal and Transform the World: https://www.reachandteach.com/store/index.php?l=product_detail&p=1943&eType=EmailBlastContent&eId=721e3f69-e327-44bd-b3e5-6549ab524d47

2. The Work of Riane Eisler, in particular ...

— her latest book Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Parnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future https://rianeeisler.com/

— and also The Challice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future https://rianeeisler.com/the-chalice-the-blade-highlights-of-international-impact/

My shelves are filled with books. These are the ones that come to me first as having the potential to awaken us by the millions.

* * * * *

It also comes to me to pose another question: On a scale of 1 to 10, and with humility, honesty, and compassion, how would you rate yourself regarding your commitment to being a seeker of truth? 

As I've sought over the years to answer this question for myself, I've uncovered layers of indoctrination, illusions, and ignorance. My blind spots, unhelpful belief systems, and unhealthy family and cultural stories that I had absorbed greatly impacted my capacity to be the loving and kind person I wanted to be — and which I believe we all are in our deepest Selves.

Our world, our children, and our collective futures depends upon us growing and evolving in our capacity to know and to love and to seek a more just and caring world together and with all our hearts. 

What is emerging now with the stories related to Joe Biden and Tara Reade are, again, just the tip of an iceberg — all of which has for so very long needed our attention. Sexual violence and all forms of violence proliferate in our nation and worldwide as long as we remain in denial or minimize the greater truths that are essential for us to see. These are the truths that are absolutely vital if we are to ever break free of the clutches of the systems of domination which perpetuate harm to women, to children, to other humans and other beings, and to the Earth.

These times ask that we be brave. Yes, the truths about Joe Biden may be one part of what contributes to four more years of Trump. But that would be on Mr. Biden and his actions and on all the moneyed sources that have propped him up and crushed his opposition. Taking out any true vision of a transformed nation and world was done out of loyalty to a status quo that has, over the span of milenia, fed domination culture and fought the systemic deep changes that would emerge with the birth of a Caring Society.

Let's join together and learn to resist the forces which seek to divide us and obstruct a Caring Society. We're all planetary sisters and brothers. We're all needed. Everything we love and cherish is at stake. Absolutely everything.

Bless us all,

 ❤

Molly