This is for my sweet-strong, beautiful and brave, compassionate and passionate, wild and wonderful, loving and wise Circle Sisters - Bess, Concetta, Gail, Laurie, Mary Frances, Olivia and Sandy - with so much love and gratitude. And this is for us all - women and men alike - as we struggle and surrender on this amazing journey of becoming who we truly are. ♥
Namaste ~ Molly
A circle of women may be the most powerful force known to humanity. If you have one, embrace it. If you need one, seek it. If you find one, for the love of all that is good and holy: Dive in. Hold on. Love it up. Get naked. Let them see you. Let them hold you. Let your reluctant tears fall. Let yourself rise fierce and love gentle. You will be changed. The very fabric of your being will be altered by this, if you allow it. Please, please allow it.*
- Jeanette LeBlanc
(* Thank you Mary Frances Taunton for this beautiful and powerful quote.)
~♥~♥~♥~♥~
Healing Ourselves, Healing Each Other
Most of us, women and men alike, struggle with the unfolding of our hearts and the opening to our true nature that life asks of us. Before I had begun to even know what it meant to surrender to love and life, I had no idea how much of myself I was denying and withholding, how much shame and fear had its grip on the core of my being, how deeply I shielded my heart and how pervasively the past continued to play itself out in the present. I did not know that my core belief system was rooted in unworthiness. With that original abandonment - where I had experienced being unseen, unaccepted, and unloved for the essence of who I was - I had unknowingly learned to abandon myself. And with that came the unspoken and unconscious pact that I made with myself that I would only allow you in so deep, and beyond that, no one got in. Including myself. Such was the invisible prison I lived in for the first three decades of my life.
Maya Angelou states, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." And yet, so many of us withhold the sharing of our stories - remaining even strangers to them ourselves - because in our families, our schools or places of worship, our communities and culture we absorbed the message that we are to be quiet, to be good, to be "strong," to be who we were expected to be, to be someone other than who we are. Even for those who grow up in families on the healthier end of the spectrum, we still absorb, often unknowingly, the norms of our society which dictate subtle or overt expectations that diminish rather than expand who we are, such as that big boys do not cry or that girls need to take care of others' needs while neglecting our own.
Certainly I had learned the shame-based rules of "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" and, therefore, the implicit message of "don't be." While I didn't trust anyone, I especially did not trust women. My mother wound was so great, as was my wounding related to growing up in a culture which devalues, denies, and denigrates the Sacred Feminine and the feminine which is part of us all, men and women alike. So out of balance we humans have become, and certainly this can be seen in the covert and overt violence we come to recognize - if we have the courage to look - that can be directed at and within ourselves, our families, our communities, our nation, and our Sacred Earth Mother.
Over the 30+ years of being on a path of gradual healing and awakening, I have come to clearly understand that we are as sick as our silence. I am not speaking here of the silence that opens up our hearts and heals us and puts us directly in touch with the beauty and sacredness of our being and that of all beings. I am speaking to the toxic silence which causes us to shut up, shut down, shut out. It is that form of silence that grows as a cancer within us, depriving us of the nurturance and connection that we need not just to live, but to thrive. As Brené Brown reflects, we humans are "hardwired for connection." And to the degree that I experienced disconnection from myself and others was the degree that, beginning at a very young age, I looked for love in all the wrong places - through promiscuity, addictions, unhealthy relationships, caretaking others as a means of avoiding myself, etc., etc. I also agree with Dr. Christiane Northrup that "the unfinished business from our past lives in our cells, sometimes setting the stage for illness." Certainly I found that to be true when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, from which I am now symptom free, and in all the ways that my untold and unhealed stories manifested itself in the symptoms of my unattended grief and the great losses I quietly carried in my heart.
We live in a culture which has normalized keeping our distance from one another... and ourselves. We disassociate and deny, minimize and mistrust, polarize and project, judge and shame and blame, stay busy and go shopping, use alcohol and other drugs, fixate on the stories of others while remaining strangers to our own, wage wars within ourselves and our families and the world, and on and on. Until I began to engage in my own healing, I also had no idea how much these influences from within my family of origin and our culture at large had stunted my heart, mind, spirit, and soul. Gratefully, healing is possible! Gratefully, there is another way!
Brené Brown states, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
We can all learn to risk being who we truly are and commit to living a life rooted in integrity and loving-kindness. My experience has been that as I've broken the old rules again and again and again, I have been integrating a whole new way of being in the world. And the pull to go back to that old life which was rooted in isolation and disconnection and addiction has lost its power as I have risked to be vulnerable, given voice to what needs to be spoken, and learned to unfold my own beautiful heart, the beauty of which, I believe, resides in us all. Today it is the pull of living a rich and full life - embracing life in all its beauty and joy, loss and sorrow, darkness and light, and love and connection that is beyond description - that roots me into this amazing path with heart that I have been so deeply blessed to discover.
None of this could have happened in isolation. The list of who have supported me along this amazing journey is far too expansive to name here. Instead, on this passing of the first anniversary of the birth of our women's circle, I wish to give thanks to the women I gather with in Sacred Circle twice each month. Here we break the old rules, we risk vulnerability and getting "naked", we open to trust and deep compassion and caring, we speak to our fears and shame and give voice to our needs and the experiences of our lives. We bring the holy rituals of meditation, silent witnessing, deep listening, empathic support and prayers and holding and love to one another. We ride the waves of old wounds and triggers, transferences and mistrust, and the ways that our foibles show up in all their glorious and perfect imperfections. We laugh and celebrate, we cry and grieve, we integrate and become more whole, we listen and grow, we respect and intuit, and we allow ourselves to be seen, supported and loved. None of this we do perfectly, but then this isn't about perfection. It is about the commitment to the unfolding of our hearts and to loving ourselves and one another on this great journey we share. In this society we live where it can be challenging to nourish connection, I am filled with gratitude for our beautiful circle of women.
I also wish to give thanks for the support of the deep masculine. Ron has been in his men's group of six men for perhaps 15 years now, and both of us honor, bless, and support the many ways in which we find to nourish ourselves and our deepest needs. Authentic, loving connection is possible for us all - within ourselves, within our relationships, within nature, within our spiritual tradition, and more. And out of that deep connection, we deepen our capacity to nurture, to listen, to embody who we truly are, to love. Brené Brown reflects that "love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves." Thank you, Ron, for your loving and beautiful heart. ♥
So often I reflect that another world is possible and that we are all in this together. We just forget our "Interbeing", as Thích Nhất Hạnh so beautifully speaks to, which permeates and is woven through us and all that is. What a gift it is to increasingly open to a remembrance of the incredible treasures within our own hearts and the hearts of all beings. Often the doorway to our joy and sense of belonging is through the gateway of our tears and vulnerability. Which is why it is so important that we each are engaged in reaching out our hands and hearts to one another. We can bring healing to ourselves and one another. We all create ripples. May they be imbued with integrity and love.
Certainly I had learned the shame-based rules of "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" and, therefore, the implicit message of "don't be." While I didn't trust anyone, I especially did not trust women. My mother wound was so great, as was my wounding related to growing up in a culture which devalues, denies, and denigrates the Sacred Feminine and the feminine which is part of us all, men and women alike. So out of balance we humans have become, and certainly this can be seen in the covert and overt violence we come to recognize - if we have the courage to look - that can be directed at and within ourselves, our families, our communities, our nation, and our Sacred Earth Mother.
Over the 30+ years of being on a path of gradual healing and awakening, I have come to clearly understand that we are as sick as our silence. I am not speaking here of the silence that opens up our hearts and heals us and puts us directly in touch with the beauty and sacredness of our being and that of all beings. I am speaking to the toxic silence which causes us to shut up, shut down, shut out. It is that form of silence that grows as a cancer within us, depriving us of the nurturance and connection that we need not just to live, but to thrive. As Brené Brown reflects, we humans are "hardwired for connection." And to the degree that I experienced disconnection from myself and others was the degree that, beginning at a very young age, I looked for love in all the wrong places - through promiscuity, addictions, unhealthy relationships, caretaking others as a means of avoiding myself, etc., etc. I also agree with Dr. Christiane Northrup that "the unfinished business from our past lives in our cells, sometimes setting the stage for illness." Certainly I found that to be true when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, from which I am now symptom free, and in all the ways that my untold and unhealed stories manifested itself in the symptoms of my unattended grief and the great losses I quietly carried in my heart.
We live in a culture which has normalized keeping our distance from one another... and ourselves. We disassociate and deny, minimize and mistrust, polarize and project, judge and shame and blame, stay busy and go shopping, use alcohol and other drugs, fixate on the stories of others while remaining strangers to our own, wage wars within ourselves and our families and the world, and on and on. Until I began to engage in my own healing, I also had no idea how much these influences from within my family of origin and our culture at large had stunted my heart, mind, spirit, and soul. Gratefully, healing is possible! Gratefully, there is another way!
Brené Brown states, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
We can all learn to risk being who we truly are and commit to living a life rooted in integrity and loving-kindness. My experience has been that as I've broken the old rules again and again and again, I have been integrating a whole new way of being in the world. And the pull to go back to that old life which was rooted in isolation and disconnection and addiction has lost its power as I have risked to be vulnerable, given voice to what needs to be spoken, and learned to unfold my own beautiful heart, the beauty of which, I believe, resides in us all. Today it is the pull of living a rich and full life - embracing life in all its beauty and joy, loss and sorrow, darkness and light, and love and connection that is beyond description - that roots me into this amazing path with heart that I have been so deeply blessed to discover.
None of this could have happened in isolation. The list of who have supported me along this amazing journey is far too expansive to name here. Instead, on this passing of the first anniversary of the birth of our women's circle, I wish to give thanks to the women I gather with in Sacred Circle twice each month. Here we break the old rules, we risk vulnerability and getting "naked", we open to trust and deep compassion and caring, we speak to our fears and shame and give voice to our needs and the experiences of our lives. We bring the holy rituals of meditation, silent witnessing, deep listening, empathic support and prayers and holding and love to one another. We ride the waves of old wounds and triggers, transferences and mistrust, and the ways that our foibles show up in all their glorious and perfect imperfections. We laugh and celebrate, we cry and grieve, we integrate and become more whole, we listen and grow, we respect and intuit, and we allow ourselves to be seen, supported and loved. None of this we do perfectly, but then this isn't about perfection. It is about the commitment to the unfolding of our hearts and to loving ourselves and one another on this great journey we share. In this society we live where it can be challenging to nourish connection, I am filled with gratitude for our beautiful circle of women.
I also wish to give thanks for the support of the deep masculine. Ron has been in his men's group of six men for perhaps 15 years now, and both of us honor, bless, and support the many ways in which we find to nourish ourselves and our deepest needs. Authentic, loving connection is possible for us all - within ourselves, within our relationships, within nature, within our spiritual tradition, and more. And out of that deep connection, we deepen our capacity to nurture, to listen, to embody who we truly are, to love. Brené Brown reflects that "love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves." Thank you, Ron, for your loving and beautiful heart. ♥
So often I reflect that another world is possible and that we are all in this together. We just forget our "Interbeing", as Thích Nhất Hạnh so beautifully speaks to, which permeates and is woven through us and all that is. What a gift it is to increasingly open to a remembrance of the incredible treasures within our own hearts and the hearts of all beings. Often the doorway to our joy and sense of belonging is through the gateway of our tears and vulnerability. Which is why it is so important that we each are engaged in reaching out our hands and hearts to one another. We can bring healing to ourselves and one another. We all create ripples. May they be imbued with integrity and love.
With deep gratitude and brightest blessings,
Molly
2 comments:
Thank you. What you say here is loving and true.
Thank you, Pamela. ♥
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