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| Mom/Grandma with Kevin & Kristin, myself and Matt |
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| Grandma will now miss eldest grandson Brian's wedding to Marita on 8/11/13 |
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| So many lovely meals shared on our patio |
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| Mom & I keep sharing, "I love you with all my heart and soul." |
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| Mom is short, Ron is tall. Mom loves Ron. Me, too. |
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| Youngest grandson, Matt, makes this his Facebook profile picture |
Mom Is Taken From Her Family
My mother had been adamantly protesting leaving the state and her family - adamantly! Even with her major depression, dementia/Alzheimer's, and long standing mental health issues, my mother finally was standing in her hoop, in her power, in the wisdom of her heart and soul and demanding, demanding!, to stay here near her only surviving child, her grandchildren, her flesh and blood, her people. Washington law affirmed that, Michigan court order or no court order, no one can be forced to leave an assisted living facility or the state without their permission.
But the ex-stepson from my mother's third marriage and his wife have consistently anticipated and reacted with brutal force at each turn of the way. It has been like a fierce chess game played by the other party whose relentlessness has been utterly unwavering that they would prevail as the appointed guardians of my mother - not Nancy's own daughter. This begs the question - WHY???
Why would this other party go ex-parte before the Michigan judge in June - without any prior notice to my council - make false accusations about me and then successfully have me removed as my mother's temporary guardian after my mom had been here for less than a month? Why did the Michigan judge make such a profound decision without hearing both sides and investigating that facts? The court order by this very judge dated 5/21/13 stated that the next hearing in Michigan - to determine Mom's permanent guardian - was to be on 9/17/13. After moving my mother from Michigan on 5/25/13, Mom was to be given four months to stabilize here and to deepen her relationships with her family.
In the larger picture, the success of my mother opening her heart to me and her family has been successful in an ever expanding way and beyond my wildest dreams. Remember that my mother has long standing mental health issues and that we tragically had not seen each other for 14 years prior to her first suicide attempt in Michigan this past February; this crisis occurred following the separation from her fourth husband AND also resulted in my mother and I being reunited. While one door was closing, a new one was opening that would usher in an abundance of love for Mom, me, her grandsons and extended family. Miracle after miracle began to unfold!
At the same time, and knowing my mom's mental health history so well, once granted temporary guardianship I knew that my responsibility to help stabilize my mother would be challenging. I took family leave from my work as a caseworker with DHS Child Welfare to completely free me to make my mother a priority. I also knew that Mom remained at risk of regressing once here given that the recommended treatment for her major depression was never put in place in Michigan for the three months that the ex-stepson had Power of Attorney and Mom was under his care. This mental health treatment for her depression had been recommended in the neuropsychological evaluation completed after my mom's first suicide attempt. While Mom's initial tailspin after her move here was not completely shocking, what I never anticipated was the depth of access that my mother had retained to her own heart. I did not believe that the love I have always held for my mother would ever be returned, not like it has. But I was wrong. Again and again and again I am reminded that there is this love that does not die...
The "transition order" from Michigan that I first learned of just over a week ago stipulated that my mother would be moved back to Michigan by the ex-stepson on or before August 15th, that I was not to see my mother on the day of transition or two days prior, and that all of my mother's rings and jewelry would be accounted for and available to the other party to care for. That meant that I had to return a ring Mom gave me prior to leaving Michigan this past May. This meant that last Friday morning, 8/2/13, I had to say goodbye to my mother and no longer see her, this following daily contact for over two months. This meant that due to my mother's absolute refusal to "transition" to Michigan, and her determination to stay here near her family, that a blanket restraining order was put in place on Monday, 8/5/13 prohibiting any and all contact for my mother with me, with her family, and with anyone who knows me. The court allowed this order to stand reportedly in order to ensure that my mother was cut off from any "undue influence" by myself and others, and to instead ensure that she was only allowed contact with the ex-stepson and his wife so that Mom would successfully "transition" back to Michigan. Of course, the only thing that my mother was cut off from was love. Not one person agreeing to these decisions appear to recognize the value of the love shared within a family and how that love can be the one force keeping a fragile 87 year old woman alive.
None of us knew how long it would take for the isolation from her family, for the relentless influence of the other family - who had been engaged in undue influence of my mother for over seven years - to wear Mom/Grandma down enough that she would ultimately break and agree to leave with the ex-stepson and his wife. Minutes ticked by and hours and then days began to pass. I hadn't seen Mom since Friday, then Monday my mother was severed from any contact with family or friends. One day later, on Tuesday, August 6th at 4:46pm, the one and only call came to me from my mom. Because the restraining order did not allow me to answer, all I could do was hold my cell phone to my heart and wail in grief. Next followed Mom's excruciating voicemail message to me: "Molly, please, please, please will you answer the phone?? I'm in so much trouble! I need you!! Please, please answer the phone!! Come and help me, please!! (crying and crying) Please!!!" That was the last time I heard my mother's voice.
And now Mom is suddenly gone. After seeing each other once or twice daily, there is this indescribable hole in my heart. I ache in worry for her and I send prayers and love with all my heart and soul. I look upon the empty chairs on our lovely patio and weep. I am aware that my sons' 86 year old paternal grandmother has flown in today for Brian and Marita's wedding on Sunday while yesterday their other grandmother was compelled to leave, ensuring that she would miss the wedding of her oldest grandson. Then there is the wedding Ron and I have planned for September 14th. If Mom remains in Michigan, she will miss my wedding, too...
At last word, I believe the trial in Michigan to determine the permanent guardian of my mom is now set for September 23rd. I'm also aware that moving my mother at this time is against the recommendations of my mother's guardian ad litem, her psychologist, and her primary care physician. This insanity, this cruelty, this torture inflicted upon an 87 year old woman is completely and profoundly beyond comprehension.
At some point, hopefully sooner than later, there will be those who will be held to account - Why move my mother now? For anyone who even glimpses at this story, the illuminating truth is that the most profound victim in all of this is my elderly mother. For me, this has never been about what I want or what the other party wants. All that matters is what my mother needs and what is in her highest good. Period.
No matter where my mom is, no one can take from us the love that does not die. No one. Meanwhile, please pray for my mom. She needs every once of caring, love, and support that can possibly be sent her way. Prayers for all the warriors working on behalf of my mother would also be tremendously appreciated. Thank you.
Peace, love, & blessings... Molly
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| Today I look at the empty chairs on our patio and weep and pray that my mother will soon be returned to the loving care of her family. |
