Thank you for this, Lissa Rankin! There is so much trauma and loss left in the wake of this epidemic of predators and victims. And I believe that they need to be exposed over and over and over again. That said, every single time that the truth comes out I am profoundly grateful! More and more of us are finding our voices, telling our stories, exposing the predators, and demanding accountability and justice. Thank you Lissa Rankin for being among them! ― Molly
(For the story of our spiritual teacher whose abuse of a sangha member had horrific consequences, please go here: https://mollystrongheart.blogspot.com/2024/10/personal-reflections-on-tragic-loss.html.)
The "Cute Girls" Of Epstein Weren't The First Girls Deepak Chopra Found Attractive
And Duh...Why It's Not Okay To Come Onto Students, Clients, Or Patients
I'm relieved to see more and more of my colleagues break their silence about Deepak Chopra and the Epstein files, but what that means is that we're learning that none of this should be surprising. One of my colleagues sent me an article published anonymously in 2021 by a patient of Dr. Chopra's, someone who went to the Chopra Center for rehab and recovery from sexual abuse, who was then exploited by her spiritual counselor and father figure, Deepak Chopra, who came onto her, told her he believed they had a "soul connection," and kissed her during a client session.
"Some time after that kiss, Dr. Chopra suggested we go for an afternoon drive. As we got farther away from the Center, I realized it was an unspoken search for a motel. I remember feeling somewhat uncomfortable and self-conscious. When he finally found a motel, he handed me his credit card, explaining that I would have to go to the front desk and book the room. He would sneak in the back way to avoid recognition. My stomach churned.
Once we were in the room, everything seemed surreal. I felt disconnected from what was unfolding, but went through the motions and had sex with him. I remember thinking that this intimacy might clarify my conflicted feelings. Perhaps this physical act might bring me to some sort of “spiritual knowing” that would reassure me we were indeed deeply connected, as he had said we were.
But on the drive back to the Center, I didn’t feel that way. Instead, I felt numb. I played the part, trying to act as if we were a couple to normalize this new relational status, ignoring a nagging feeling that I was unsafe and in turbulent waters. The feeling was unfortunately familiar to me, and I wondered whether it rang any bells for Dr. Chopra as well. I had told him in our sessions that several men had taken advantage of me from the time I was five years old, crossing boundaries in inappropriate ways. Many of these experiences are what had led me to question my value and turn to substance abuse in the first place. I remember looking over at him driving, thinking, “How did I end up here, with Deepak Chopra?” and “Did this just happen?”
A full blown affair continued, but he still took her home to meet his family.
"He surprised me one day by inviting me to have dinner with his family at his home. He saw my hesitation and began discussing his marriage, explaining that he and his wife had an “understanding.” I immediately took this to mean there were other women—one only puts an “understanding” in place if something like this happens frequently. I couldn’t help but wonder, did he have a “soul connection” with these other women too? Setting aside this disappointing possibility, I believed him when he said his wife was okay with it, and I decided I could be too.
The evening I spent at the Chopra home was deeply uncomfortable. He presented me to his family as a lonely Chopra devotee, his honored guest. They seemed to be a warm, loving, close-knit family, and I felt like an imposter. The dinner table was dynamic, filled with laughter and interesting conversation. His wife was kind. His daughter was about the same age as me, confident and possessing an innate wisdom. I envied her relationship with her father, and as the evening wore on I found myself hoping that I too would continue to have his devotion and the wisdom of his counsel. I wanted to be her. I had begun to believe that without him, I had no chance of achieving happiness and stability. I thought that if I didn’t have him, I had nothing.
This dependence on him felt familiar—I was in the grips of an addiction again. A want had become a need. I needed him, and it scared me. My shaky spiritual progress was slipping away the further our relationship progressed, but I tried to reassure myself that Deepak must know better than me. This iconic man who had devoted his life to healing, spirituality, compassion, and medicine would never lead me astray for his own selfish, carnal ends. I had to believe that somehow there was a higher purpose; indeed, as he put it, a “karmic connection.” Confused and in pain, I began to think about drinking again."
She wound up suicidal but ultimately survived and made it through rehab. All that was twenty years ago, and she ended her story from a place of strength and recovery.
"I have deep and abiding compassion for the young woman in Dr. Chopra’s office that day. I am fiercely protective of that girl who felt she had no other options. I am coming forward to speak for that version of me, the one who was impaired and not “on duty” for herself. I am the person now I was seeking then to rescue me—Deepak Chopra could never have done that for me. I am also coming forward to speak for other young women who all too frequently find themselves in the position I found myself in with Dr. Chopra. This is an invitation for them to stand with me, just as previous accounts from other brave women have served as an invitation to me."
People in positions of authority and power must be held accountable. There are many men who, like Dr. Chopra, are revered, idolized, or held in high regard in our society, but whose actions are not in alignment with the image they project to the world. They abuse their positions of power, receiving gratification at the expense of someone else’s pain."
She told her story publicly five years ago. In the context of the Epstein files, her story suggests that the author of this story is one of many, including Sevda Rubens, who is in the news after having told her story on X about being a 16 year old girl at a Chopra workshop where Chopra allegedly shared his personal number and suggested a late-night private meeting.
“When I was 16 years old, I attended a meditation event hosted by Deepak Chopra in Europe. After the event, I lined up to ask him a question about my spiritual practice. He gave me his number and insisted to meet later that night. I was alarmed, and my intuition warned not to go, so I didn’t. That was also my wake up call. Male gurus are a construct. Smart girls are real,” Rubens wrote on X."
Her post went viral, drawing support from many who have been similarly hit on by spiritual authority figures in positions of "power over."
My heart goes out to these victims of abuse of power. None of this should happen, and when they tell their stories, we need to center them, to believe them, to have their backs, and to call out Deepak and others like him.
Deepak Chopra is far from the only one in this industry to sleep with his clients. Many of the bestselling authors and stars of The Secret from the Transformational Leadership Counsel (TLC) regularly hit on (and sometimes married) their clients, and when I brought up and tried to initiate conversations about the ethics breaches within such power dynamics, I was routinely dismissed as some sort of annoying goodie two shoes who should take equal advantage of all the hot men who hit on me at workshops I taught- since I was, after all, single at the time.
What these folks don't realize, and what many doctors and therapists do know, is that sleeping with your clients, students, patients can lead to sometimes fatal harm. Transference issues, projections, psychological dependency- these are real things, and there's a reason our licensure boards forbid it.
While many of the transformational leaders in spaces like TLC have no license and they're not doctors or therapists, Deepak Chopra is a medical doctor. He knows better. This woman under his care, who he treated, in her words, like a "concubine," was his patient. Deepak Chopra slept with his patient and then took her to meet his wife.
I honestly don't even have words, other than to say to this woman, if she's reading this, I am so sorry this happened to you. This should NEVER have happened to you, and it absolutely should not have been enabled by his staff, the way you say it was.
Please, if you are a transformational leader, spiritual teacher, yoga instructor, spiritual counselor, life coach, mentor- and if you see clients one on one, teach workshops and meet students there, or even meet people on stage when you're giving a keynote, THESE CLIENTS, PATIENTS & STUDENTS ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING DATING POOL.
I slipped on this once, and then decided, never again. I had just given a keynote in Hawaii at the same event where Joe Dispenza was speaking, and a very handsome much younger man came up to me afterwards to give me a card. He wound up sitting with me and some friends at dinner, and afterwards, when we were walking on the hotel grounds, he kissed me and then invited me paddleboarding the next day. I was hesitant, but a friend was egging me on. I'd gone through a divorce a year ago and was lonely, jealous of all the romantic couples on a Hawaiian beach, and considering getting back out there in the dating pool.
I wound up accepting his invitation, and we had a lovely non-sexual time together. A year later, when he asked if he could come and visit me in San Francisco, we became lovers, once, much to my surprise, since I thought we were going to just go on a hike and next thing I knew he was making out with me.
Afterwards, I knew what had happened wasn't right. I wanted it to be okay. But it wasn't. I should have been more clear with my boundaries, and even though it was a year after he met me on stage, I still believe I should not have taken advantage of the potential guru projections for my own personal sexual advantage.
We spent more time together- non-sexually- and became good friends. We supported each other when a mutual friend died in a freak accident in Hawaii, but we both agreed that our brief affair had been a mistake.
When I try to talk to others who get on stages to talk about transformation, mind body medicine, and spirituality, I get so much pushback. It’s the elephant in the room, and we all know it, but nobody wants to talk about it. If you come to transformational, spiritual, or wellness conferences or workshops like these, I’ll tell you, WAY too many of these teachers are scanning the room to find out who they’re planning to take to bed that night, without any qualms about the ethics of doing so. You are prey to these predators. And you might even feel flattered by being chosen, not realizing you’re at risk of being harmed. These “love stories” never end well for the “chosen” one.
Now maybe you think, like many of them do, that I'm being too strict. I should just loosen up a bit. It might seem like meeting someone at a conference when you're the one on stage is an acceptable way to meet someone you might date. It's not like they're your patient when you're a gynecologist. But once you understand how these power dynamics work, you realize this young man I went paddleboarding wasn't really attracted to ME. He was attracted to the idealized image of me, the goddess on stage, the doctor with the power, someone who could help his career, and maybe some Mommy projections built in. I should never have taken advantage of all that power I wielded for my own personal gain. That was 2014, and I learned my lesson.
I've been speaking out about it ever since, but (I'm not exaggerating here) almost everyone I've met in the spirituality and wellness space is sleeping with their clients and does not think there's anything wrong with doing so. I have met some ethical people, some actually married and actually monogamous or single but ethical people, some people who applaud me when I speak out about this issue. But the vast majority of them think I'm just trying to spoil all their fun, not realizing that what happened to this young woman at the Chopra Center could have ended with a much less happy ending. Abusing our power and having sex with our students, clients, and patients can kill someone.
Those of us in positions of power MUST take responsibility for how we wield that power. We can't expect our students, clients, and patients to be the ones to turn us down. When those kinds of power dynamics are at play, people can't truly consent, just like Chopra's victim of his abuse of power described. The lack of a no is not a yes. Even a yes is not necessarily a yes. There's no such thing as consensual sex when you're the one on stage or leading a meditation circle and the other person is in the "one down" position, power-wise.
Please help protect students, patients and clients- and pass this on to anyone you know who might not understand how dangerous it can be to get romantically or sexually involved with people who meet you in the context of doing your transformational work. Date your peers. Date people online. Date people you meet in a bar, for all I care. But DO NOT DATE YOUR CLIENTS, PATIENTS OR STUDENTS!
And to whoever wrote that heartbreaking expose about the ethics breach of Dr. Chopra sleeping with his patient, I hope you'll come out from your anonymity and report him to the medical board. According to ChatGPT, he still has a medical license, which should be taken away from him- STAT. My heart goes out to you.
Okay, end of rant. I'll post the links to both the full Lioness article about the Chopra Center rehab patient and the news report about Sevda Rubens in the comments below. I'll also post the link to SEEK SAFELY, a non-profit devoted to accountability in the self help movement. I'm so sorry to keep being the bearer of all this disturbing news.
If you need support doing some Internal Family Systems (IFS) work with the parts of you that are disturbed, disillusioned, devastated, confused, or if your own guru abuse issues are stirring up, we’ll be processing this in my ongoing online continuity program LOVE SCHOOL on Monday, February 23. I'll post the link in the comments below.
*Chopra continues to deny all wrongdoing. We call that DARVO, Deepak. Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim & Offender. #Ibelievevictims *Hat tip to @ThePrint for the graphic
Please go here for the original article: https://lissarankinmd.substack.com/p/the-cute-girls-of-epstein-werent
