THIS NEEDS TO GO VIRAL.
Stephen Colbert opened his show Wednesday night with a confession.
“Now, full disclosure: I did not watch much of the convention tonight. And fullest disclosure: I did not watch any of it,” the Late Show host said. “Because right now in America, we’re facing a global pandemic that has killed 180,000 Americans, heavily armed Rambo wannabes are murdering people in our streets, the strongest hurricane in the history of the Gulf Coast is making landfall as I speak, and the RNC’s message is: Who’s up for four more years?”
“I know by not watching the RNC I didn’t do my job tonight. And I just want to say: I feel great about it,” Colbert continued. “Why should we pay attention to what they’re saying if none of what they’re saying tonight is about what’s happening in America right now? Why should we watch their reality show if it doesn’t reflect our reality? Why subject ourselves to their lies that stick to your soul like hot tar? Lies like: Donald Trump cares whether you live or die.”
Yes, it was reported on Wednesday that while Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious disease expert, was on the operating table under general anesthesia, the CDC quietly changed their coronavirus testing guidelines.
“You see, this week, the CDC completely reversed their testing guidelines to say that people without symptoms may not need to be tested even if they’ve been in close contact with someone known to have the virus,” explained Colbert. “That is surprising, because we have been repeatedly warned that 40 percent of infections are asymptomatic, and 50 percent of transmissions occur before the symptoms. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. If it did, why are there still Valpak coupons? Who on Earth thinks not testing is a good idea?”
The comic then threw to a clip of Trump announcing, “If we did half the testing, we’d have half the cases.”
“Of course. It’s always the only person you suspect,” offered Colbert, adding, “We found out this afternoon the CDC was pressured into changing guidance on coronavirus testing by higher-ups in the Trump administration. So, we’ve reached the point where Donald Trump is dictating our health regulations… We are one news cycle away from the CDC warning that mail-in ballots will give you chlamydia.”
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