GPHS Class of '69 yearbook pictures of my twin John and myself |
Grosse Pointe High School South, Grosse Pointe, Michigan |
John and Molly on the shores of Orchard Lake, Michigan, 1953 |
Sunset over Orchard Lake, Michigan, 2009 |
Going Home
Thursday
morning, early, Ron and I board a plane for Michigan. We will be attending my 45th high school class reunion. My mom also attended Grosse Pointe High school - this would have been the year of her 70th reunion! I am excited and grateful about this and so much more.
When I reflect on
"going home" what I am experiencing is a bone deep connection to the
land of my childhood and my ancestors. This is different than my
experience of the Pacific Northwest, which has been home to my heart,
spirit, and soul since 1975. Oregon, and now Washington, is where
awakening took root for me, where my heart opened to healing and love,
where amazing people came into my life, where I gave birth to three extraordinary sons and now await the birth
of my first grandchild, where I am graced increasingly with awakening to
the preciousness of each day and each moment and all that I love.
Life is such a miracle.
Michigan
is where I have memories of much pain, trauma, and loss. And also much beauty. I
remember thunder storms, wild thunder storms. And lakes that I felt like a
fish swimming in, free and wild and at peace. Especially Orchard Lake,
which was the same lake my dad had also grown up swimming in, as had his
siblings and my grandparents. These are different roots, ones which
live on in my heart.
My
first trip back to Michigan in recovery was in 1989. I remember how my
throat ached at that first reunion I attended as I stood up for a huge
group picture with our 20th high school class reunion alumni. The loss of
my twin was with me. Deeply. Painfully. And I was overcome with what
felt like tsunami size waves of grief when I first drove by that home on
Thorn Tree Road where I had lived from 6 to 18. And how stunning - what
a miracle! - when I went to the first home my parents built on Harcourt
where John and I spent our first 6 years. I rang the doorbell and the woman who opened the door
was the same person who my parents had sold the
home to 32 years earlier. I had not been back since. But she remembered
me and welcomed me and encouraged me to wander the home of my earliest years. And
in 1989 it was hard to leave Pine Lake Cemetery, where my dad and
brother are buried. I wanted to stay there, sitting on the Earth between
the graves, weeping. I had to pull myself away. And there was more, much more, that felt overwhelmingly sad...and also somehow profoundly blessed.
Today,
in many ways, is different. Since I began walking this heart-path, each trip
back has brought to me greater healing, clarity, acceptance, compassion,
forgiveness, understanding, wisdom. And I am changed. Stronger, kinder, more whole, more
loving. And now I know I will return to the home of my childhood to
laugh and cry, to dance and celebrate, to play and explore, to share
with Ron and other loving family and friends, and to embrace and
integrate just that much more deeply the experiences of my life.
Although I didn't know it, there
was a time - my first 30+ years - that I was very fragmented. I stayed busy, addicted,
pretending to myself and everyone else something other than the truth. There was so much that was within me that was not embraced, befriended, held, healed, understood, accepted, integrated, transformed.
This is not my truth today. Today I experience that everything - everything
- has changed. And continues to change and be deepened, understood, learned from,
enjoyed, treasured. It is great to be alive!
And now I get to
return to Grosse Pointe and Orchard Lake and more, and this time with my
beloved husband. And we get to see family and friends and open to
whatever it is that emerges from this excellent adventure. And an excellent adventure it will surely be.
I am ready! I am grateful! And I say YES to Life! And to hopefully soon dancing to some great old rock 'n roll with a bunch of other "old hippies"! Blessed be!
And bless us all....
Molly
My dad (far left), his parents and siblings, at their home on Orchard Lake, 1925
♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥
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