Monday, August 26, 2024

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz

This is a book that I have been recommending and which some of you may find helpful, healing, empowering, and transformative. — Molly


In this book, Richard Schwartz, the developer of the Internal Family Systems Model, applies the IFS Model to the topic of intimate relationships in an engaging, understandable, and personal style. Therapists and lay people alike will find this book to be an insightful exploration of how cultivating a relationship with the Self—the wise center of clarity, calmness, and compassion in each of us—creates the foundation for courageous love and resilient intimacy: the capacity to sustain and nourish a healthy intimate relationship. Self-leadership also allows us to embrace our partner's feedback and use it to discover aspects of ourselves that seek healing. The book includes user-friendly exercises to facilitate learning.

https://www.amazon.com/Youve-Waiting-Internal-Family-Systems/dp/0615249329

For more on IFS, please go here: https://ifs-institute.com/about-us/richard-c-schwartz-phd

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Dr. Tori Olds: Inner Child Work in IFS Therapy | Internal Family Systems, Explained - Part 5 of 5

This is an amazing series related to the life-changing wisdom and practice of IFS or Internal Family Systems. This is Part 5, and I recommend watching the entire series. Illuminated here is how we can heal and transform our old wounds, wounds we all have, and find enduring freedom from even the most engrained painful patterns which have caused deep stress and trauma in our lives, in the lives of our loved ones, and in the generations before us. Held here are the essential pieces which were missing in my many years decades ago of "inner child work." This is a transformative path which holds the potential to open us to an enduring and profound experience of freedom, peace, clarity, compassion, and love.đź’— Molly

Parts work, inner child work and Internal Family Systems, for an in depth discussion of these topics and more check out the Q&A livestream for this video here:    • Healing Our Inner Child | IFS Series ...   Welcome to Part 5 of my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained. You can find the whole series here:    • Internal Family Systems, Explained   In this final video I describe how IFS therapy helps us to reconnect and care for our wounded inner child. I describe how parts work helps us to bring about a long-awaited reunion between this inner child and a wiser, more compassionate adult self or "true self." Through gently asking our defenses (protector parts) to step aside, we are able to provide true guidance and care to the young parts of our self that are scared, angry or ashamed but have been exiled from our conscious awareness. When this hurt inner child that we had previously hidden away, senses the presence of our caring adult self, they are finally able to feel save enough to be seen. The protector parts, also developed in childhood, sensing a wiser, stronger, more capable presence, are able to let go of their defensive strategies for protecting the wounded inner child. #toriolds #partswork #ifs 00:00 The Relationship Between Our Exiles and Our “Big S Self” 01:31 Accessing Our Wounded Inner Child 04:06 Getting Consent From Our Protectors 06:18 Reuniting Our Inner Adult With Our Inner Child 09:47 Unburdening Our Protectors - Freedom From Psychological Defenses

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Suggested Reading

No Bad Part: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness With the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz — https://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1683646681

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz  https://www.amazon.com/Youve-Waiting-Internal-Family-Systems/dp/0615249329

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing In a Toxic Culture by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture/dp/0593083881

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/When-Body-Says-No-Hidden/dp/178504222X

Dr. Tori Olds: How to Find Yourself | The "True Self" in IFS Therapy - Part 2

In again sharing these posts related to IFS (Internal Family Systems), I reflect on the many years of sobriety and healing work that I was engaged in for decades and yet deep healing and transformation continued to elude me. And despite my best efforts and doing everything that I was told to do and more, despite years of sobriety and "inner child work" and connecting with multiple resources of support, in early adolescence each of my three sons began to demonstrate symptoms of generational and cultural trauma that I had thought we'd left behind. Something Big was missing.

What IFS provides is a framework and practice which illuminates what I had needed, and what my family had needed, all those many years ago that was missing. Held here is the crucial key to unlocking an increasingly strong connection with my Self, which I believe is the core of who we all are. This is the pathway which has empowered me to live an increasingly Self-led life, to be free of any possibility of relapse into old substance addictions, and to respond to the joys and sorrows of life with ever growing clarity, wisdom, compassion, grace, and love. This is true freedom.

And as Dr. Tori Olds speaks to here, this is the kind of individual and collective healing, awakening, and transformation which is deeply needed to heal ourselves, our families, our communities, our nation, our planet. It cannot be overstated the power of engaging in this journey of exploring our many parts, freeing our managers and protectors from their roles, unburdening our exiled or wounded parts, and growing a strong connection with our Self — and thus freeing ourselves to be who we most wholly are. 

May we all experience increasingly Self-led lives. Our world will change as we do. 🙏🙏 Molly

Welcome to Part 2 of my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained. In this video, I present IFS's answer to the questions: "Who am I?" and "When I feel lost, how do I find myself again?" I describe how our true self or "big S self" is often hidden by the parts of us that have adapted defenses to deal with our painful or traumatic experiences and how IFS uses parts work to help us to unblend from our parts and reconnect to our real self. I describe the eight C's of the self and explain why is is so easy to lose connection with our authentic self and become blended with our parts. Discuss the concept of neural integration as way of explaining unblending from a scientific perspective. Finally, I end by arguing that reconnecting with our true self is not only essential for our own personal growth, but is also imperative for successful collaboration in our complex and increasingly polarized society. #toriolds #partswork #ifs #trueself 00:00 The True Self According to Internal Family Systems 02:55 What Are Parts? 05:55 What Does it Mean to “Unblend” From Parts? 07:02 What is the Big S Self? 08:28 The 8 C’s of the Self. 09:42 Why We Lose Connection With the True Self 10:56 Neural Integration and the Neuroscience of the True Self 12:52 Reconnecting to the True Self for Personal AND Societal Growth

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Suggested Reading

No Bad Part: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness With the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz — https://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1683646681

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz  https://www.amazon.com/Youve-Waiting-Internal-Family-Systems/dp/0615249329

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing In a Toxic Culture by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture/dp/0593083881

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/When-Body-Says-No-Hidden/dp/178504222X

Dr. Tori Olds: What is IFS Therapy? | Intro to Internal Family Systems - Part 1

I am moved to continue to share informative and empowering links to IFS (Internal Family Systems) because of the profound implications for us individually and collectively as a human family. This video provides an introduction. And, if you are anything like me, viewing and listening more than once may prove helpful. It takes time to hear, absorb, and integrate into the ways that we live our lives new frameworks and narratives to address often very old and painful patterns and ultimately experience profound healing and transformation. May this be helpful on your journey. — Molly


Welcome to Part 1 in my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained. In this video, I provide an introduction to IFS Therapy. I explain some of the core concepts of IFS such as parts work, and the science behind these parts. I also briefly discuss how the approach of an IFS therapist might differ from the methods of other experiential therapists.

You know, one thing I would like to mention, is that in this video I say "in a pathological sense" when referring to people with DID (what we used to call 'multiple personality disorder'). Of course my meaning was that to have multiple parts is not linked to any kind of mental health problem...it's just the way we are born. But now when I hear myself saying 'pathological sense' when talking about DID, I sort of cringe...because really everything in the mind is adaptive...even the more severe separation of our parts in the form of DID. In my haste to make a quick point, I think I used a word (pathological) that I wouldn't normally use...or even believe in. So apologies for that. #toriolds #partswork #ifs #therapy 00:00 An Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy 01:15 “Parts Work” in IFS Therapy 03:37 The Neuroscience Behind IFS Therapy and Parts Work 05:17 How Childhood Experiences and Implicit Memory Create “Our Parts” 08:00 Why Do We Have Many Different Parts? 11:06 There Are No Bad Parts 15:54 IFS: A Relational Frame for Working With Schemas

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Suggested Reading

No Bad Part: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness With the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz — https://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1683646681

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz  https://www.amazon.com/Youve-Waiting-Internal-Family-Systems/dp/0615249329

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing In a Toxic Culture by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture/dp/0593083881

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor MatĂ© — https://www.amazon.com/When-Body-Says-No-Hidden/dp/178504222X

Friday, August 23, 2024

The Cant About Israel’s ‘Right to Self Defense’

 Such a critically important article.
My heart breaks. And I am outraged
that the slaughter is allowed to continue!
This must end!! — Molly

Smoke and flames billow after Israeli forces struck a high-rise tower in Gaza City, Oct. 7, 2023.(Palestinian News & Information Agency, Wafa, in contract with APAimages, CC BY-SA 3.0) 
It is illogical to describe Israel’s actions in Gaza over the last 10 months as defensive, writes M. Reza Behnam.

By M. Reza Behnam

Despite the countless atrocities, assassinations and violations of humanitarian and international law, American politicians and the corporate media recite ad infinitum the accepted talking point that Israel has a “right to defend itself.” From their distorted perspective, only the aggressor deserves that prerogative. 

Israel’s claim to self-defense is never questioned.  Although it has one of the strongest modern militaries (581 aircraft, including F-15, F-16 and advanced stealth F-35 fighter jets); possesses the latest air defense systems; stockpiles 400 nuclear weapons with delivery systems; and has the United States, the world’s largest military power, standing ready to protect it, we are to believe that Israel is in physical danger.

On the other hand, the Palestinians, most in need of defense, are denied that right.  They are told to accept colonized lives in the Gaza concentration camp, to accept marginalization, injustice and humiliation forever; that they have no right to resist the Israeli apartheid regime.  

And the United States and its Western proxies threaten the Islamic Republic of Iran, Hezbollah in Lebanon and others in the Palestinian Resistance for daring to challenge Israel’s genocidal war on Gaza.

Even though the Islamic Resistance Movement (Hamas), Palestinian Islamic Jihad and smaller groups have no organized modern military, no air force, navy, air defense systems, nuclear weapons and no Western allies to defend them from Israeli terrorism, we are to believe that they are a threat.

In addition, the U.S.-Israeli narrative concerning Palestinians and their regional allies is rife with contradictions.  The United States and Israel can choose their allies, while Iranians and Palestinians cannot without controversy. 

Hardly the Victim

Sudden refugees forever, Palestine Nakba 1948. (Hanini, CC BY 3.0, Wikimedia Commons)
Israel is hardly the victim it portrays itself to be. 

Its colonial expansion through the use of force began when it destroyed over 500 Palestinian towns and violently dispossessed over 750,000 Palestinians to establish an exclusive Jewish state in 1948. 

It broadened with the 1967 Arab-Israel War, which led to Israel’s occupation of Palestinian land in the Gaza Strip and West Bank, including East Jerusalem, as well as control over the Egyptian Sinai Peninsula and Syrian Golan Heights.

The historical record reveals that for many years prior to 1967 Israel intended to seize the West Bank and Golan Heights.  There was no military threat or safety concerns. The war was fought out of a desire to demonstrate Israel’s power and to achieve territorial gains.

Israel continues to seize Palestinian land and escalate expansion.  Currently, as many as 700,000 Jewish “settlers” live in 150 illegal “settlements” and 128 outposts across occupied Palestine.

The mainstreamed popular Israeli myth of a small David defending against an Arab Goliath was shattered by the Gaza prison break of Oct. 7.  A fantasy President Joe Biden and many in the American political class grew up on and continue to embrace. 

The reality of Israel’s brutal siege of Gaza and the West Bank has also forced many Jews in the diaspora to recognize that Israel has not been their defender.  To the contrary, the mixing of Judaism with Zionism — religion and bellicose nationalism — has fueled anti-Semitism.

Law Breaker 

Israeli military forces arriving to demolish the Palestinian community of Khirbet Ein Karzaliyah on Jan. 8, 2014. (B’Tselem, CC BY 4.0, Wikimedia Commons)
To become a regional nuclear Goliath, Israel has violated countless international and humanitarian laws.  Tel Aviv has yet to confront a law it has been willing to obey or a country’s sovereignty it felt compelled to respect. 

The U.N. Charter of 1945 and the body of international law enshrined in its conventions, treaties and standards were created to govern relations and to usher in comity among nations, and to insure the horrors of the Second World War were never repeated. 

The Charter, for example, strictly prohibits the acquisition of territory by force.  Israel, however, began violating it soon after it proclaimed statehood and again in its preemptive 1967 War. 

As a consequence of the Arab-Israel wars of 1948-49 and 1967, Israel permanently occupied the land it captured and has not allowed the Palestinians made refugees by the wars to return to Palestine and to their homes. 

Occupation is by definition temporary until conditions are such that the territory can be returned to its original sovereign. 

Flagrantly, Israel has violated one of the most important principles established under modern international law: an occupying power cannot, under any circumstances, acquire the right to annex or gain sovereignty over any territory under its occupation. 

Furthermore, Article 49 of the Fourth Geneva Convention of 1949 states: 

“The Occupying Power shall not deport or transfer parts of its own civilian population into the territory it occupies” and prohibits the “individual or mass forcible transfers, as well as deportation of protected persons from occupied territory.”

Significantly, two principles of international law regarding the use of force are especially important to weigh with regard to Oct. 7 and its aftermath. 

The Right to Resist Includes Armed Struggle  

Message on the walls of Deheisheh Refugee Camp in Bethlehem, 2006. (delayed gratification, Flickr, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)
For Palestinians, international law recognizes that resistance, by all available means, including armed struggle, is a legitimate right for people under illegal occupation (Additional Protocol 1 to the 1977 Geneva Conventions). 

For Israel, when an occupation is in place, as it is in the West Bank and Gaza, the occupier (Israel) cannot use militarized force in response to an armed attack; it can only use police force to restore order (1949 Geneva Convention, respecting the Laws and Customs of War on Land). 

Essentially, international law leaves little doubt — Israel is an illegal occupant.  The International Court of Justice on July 19 said just that.  In its advisory opinion it ruled that Israel should end its illegal occupation and that “settlers” be removed from all of occupied Palestine.

Repeated United Nations condemnations, reports and resolutions have not stopped Israel from defying the rules and norms which other members of the international community are bound to observe. 

The United States and its proxies have enabled it to become the rogue state it is today.  And in the process, they have made Israel’s  genocidal war in Gaza possible.

Oddly, while Israel escalates its violent behavior in the Middle East, the United States has warned Iran and other Palestinian allies not to escalate. 

In addition, in August, Washington approved an additional $20 billion in new arms transfers (F-15 fighter jets, missiles, tens of thousands of mortar and tank shells); thereby, giving Israel the green light to continue its war in Gaza and to regional escalation.

In this and in many other actions, the American administration has made its defense of Israel unequivocal.

Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei praying at the funeral for Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh on Aug. 1. (Khamenei.ir, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 4.0)
Since the assassination late last month of Hezbollah and Hamas leaders in Beirut and Tehran, Israel has anticipated a retaliatory attack.  To mitigate that, the United States initiated on Aug. 15 renewed negotiations for a ceasefire. 

To sabotage the talks, Israel escalated the war by bombing Gazans sheltering in ruined schools and living in tents. Provocatively, Israeli ultranationalists marched on the Al-Aqsa Mosque courtyard, reserved for Muslim worship, in occupied Al-Quds (Jerusalem).   

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, as he has done for 20 years, continues to relentlessly pursue his dream of dragging the United States into a war against Iran. 

Interestingly, Iran, through its Mission to the United Nations, has stated that it would support a ceasefire recognized by Hamas.  It has, however, also maintained its legitimate right to respond to the assassination of Ismail Haniyeh, chairman of Hamas’ Political Bureau, and to Israel’s violation of its national security and sovereignty.

Iran is also keenly aware that if the assassination on its soil is left unanswered, it simply “whets the appetite of the Israeli occupation for more transgressions and aggression.” 

It is illogical to describe Israel’s actions in Gaza over the last 10 months as defensive.  Unfortunately, that is what many in the American corridors of power and Israeli-backed media have been doing. 

The narrative has finally begun to shift.  Voices have grown increasingly louder demanding that Palestinians have a right to defend themselves, to resist occupation and to seek liberation. 

The worn-out “defense” trope used to protect Israel no longer persuades.   It is time for it to be jettisoned.

Reza Behnam is a political scientist specializing in the history, politics and governments of the Middle East.

Please go here for the original article: https://consortiumnews.com/2024/08/23/the-cant-about-israels-right-to-self-defense/