There is so much wisdom here. 🙏💗 Molly
One of the most difficult things in relationship is to sit with a painful or distressing feeling without sharing it . . . until we’ve had the chance to simmer with it, to understand it, to check it for projection and displacement, to let it take us deeper into ourselves, to let it lose some “othering” power.
This one an act of patience, humility, and courage can save so much strife and misery.
I learned to do this long ago. I learned to notice the difference between a largely “clean” feeling appropriate to share in the moment and one that had deeper roots. I built a muscle for it, and I still practice all the time. Meditation and holding yoga poses can help build this tolerance. So can taking cold baths. 😊
It’s called distress tolerance. We let these feelings be, without heeding the urgency to share or suppress them.
Eventually, there may be a time to share them. Yet by then, they’ve often lost some of their punch. By then, you might have learned more about yourself by being with them instead of having to let them fly like hot potatoes, and burning others in the process. By then, you stand a better chance of being kind, being heard, and deepening your relationship.
We’ve all done it. Forgiving ourselves and others is key to rupture and repair. But it’s also an act of self-compassion, and compassion for others, to take note and practice.
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