Reflections On the Practice of Noticing What Does Not Suck

Photo by Molly

 Sometimes in the middle of what sucks,

we can notice what doesn't

At nearly 75, life continues to be incredibly rich with teachings and lessons which empower me to grow and evolve into ever greater authenticity, kindness, consciousness, compassion, wisdom and love. Deepest gratitude! Because I need all the help and support I can get! And don't we all? Remembering what we have forgotten and embodying more and more of our wholeness is no small task. Laughter and humility and beauty and tenderness are also essential ingredients along the way. At least this has certainly been my experience.

I am incredibly grateful for our weekly women's sangha, which first began one year ago. Such a gift! There are approximately 25 of us who meet on Tuesday evenings at PIMC (Portland Insight Meditation Center — https://www.portlandinsight.org/). We range in age from late teens to late 70s. My heart smiles. We sit in circle as Alexa Redner, our teacher, leads us in welcoming everyone, sitting in mediation, a darhma teaching, and sharing in the large or smaller groups. I love Alexa (https://www.alexaredner.com/) and am grateful for all of the women I am able to sit in sacred circle with.

We also have fun! Recently, and just after going around and sharing our names — there are always some newcomers — and before the meditation, Alexa announced, "We're going to MOVE!" And she put on Jon Batiste's Freedom — and we all got up and danced! Although not exactly like Jon did ... Ha!!

This past week, and given how much is so challenging right now — and how it is also challenging to just be human — we ended up being invited to pair up with another woman and take turns (1) sharing something that is challenging for us, something that "sucks," and then (2) share something that doesn't suck, something which brings us joy, peace, love, gratitude, connection, etc. 

Before this, Alexa had spoken to the importance of doing the best we can to reflect on the hard things — an issue, an experience, thoughts and emotions — and witness without trying to push away, deny, judge, or shame ourselves for whatever it is that comes up. Just witness, observe, hold what is happening within ourselves without spiritual bypassing, grasping or aversion, or trying to force and get rid of anything. And I remember the words of my therapist from many years back saying gently to me that "anything that we try to get rid of grows stronger." So true, so true.

And this is hard, isn't it? Like really hard at times... to simply witness and hold with compassion the discomfort, the blame or shame, the fear or confusion, the revulsion or hatred, the pain and grief without trying to run away or lay some judging, pissed off, overwhelmed, shaming trip on ourselves or someone else. And gradually, this is how I've come to experience the triggers losing their grip. What really sucks begins to dissipate and dissolve and stop pulling us under or taking anyone else down with us. The sucky thing may still be there. But our relationship to it over time is being radically transformed.

Much more pleasant and enjoyable is taking notice of what does not suck. This too is such an important practice. It's taking the time to truly experience and savor what makes our hearts smile. It's the grounding of gratitude practice. And wherever we are giving our attention, this is what increases. If we are increasingly mindful of noticing and embracing joyful moments — moments of metta (lovingkindness) and mudita (sympathic joy), moments of beauty and love, compassion and connection, gratitude and blessing — this is what nourishes our hearts and souls. And it builds on itself — this conscious awareness of what does not suck.

An example from my personal life...

Shira

Another example...

Just over a week ago we were driving to visit my youngest son Matt, his lovely Rubi, Rubi's mom Irma (who was visiting from Mexico), and our adorable two year old grandson Mateo.

Sucky part:

• the nearly hour long drive in rush hour traffic
• it was the end of the afternoon and our time together would be limited
• it was cold outside and we were going to meet at a park

What did not suck:

• We were going to see Mateo again! And Matt and Rubi!
• We would be able to see Irma one more time before she returned to her home in Mexico
• Irma and I were able to exchange gifts together and enjoy grandmother time
• Mateo just turned two and is already dribbling his basketball and "shooting hoops" (actually, he missed by several feet the full size hoop his tiny body stood underneath, but that did not faze him. Mateo got his form down and just kept "shooting". Hilarious and over the top cuteness!
• It was a beautiful evening and the sunset was spectacular
• A flock of geese flew overhead gracing us with their wild beauty
• We had a car and gas to take us to the other side of town
• We had warm clothes that kept us comfortable
• We got to savor time with our beloved family
• We enjoyed and shared laughter, love, hugs, and joy together
• My recognition that our time being ALIVE is limited and every precious moment with those I love is a treasured gift

I could have gotten stuck in what sucked. Instead I experienced deep awareness and gratitude for what did not suck. This has been a paradigm shift for me, this deepening of my gratitude practice and meeting what sucks with what does not suck.

Yes, Alexa used the word "suck." I love how human she is. Because sometimes things REALLY suck. What flashes for me in the moment is Trump and his fascist administration and all of the profound suffering that is being perpetrated on millions and on our Earth Mother. What also flashes for me are the horrors of Gaza, ICE, the Epstein files. I could go on and on. And added on to all this, there are the personal struggles that we and our loved ones experience. It is not easy to be human. And in dark times, it can be very difficult to not become overwhelmed, to not shut down, to not get pulled under into apathy and addictions, disassociation and despair, hatred and hopelessness.

Yet, even here, our mindfulness of what does not suck really matters. It sustains us. It fuels us with resilience and hope and courage and fierce caring and love. And we remember that we can grow even stronger in our commitment to our own healing and transformation, to keeping the eyes of our hearts open, and to doing whatever we can to alleviate the suffering of our human and nonhuman sisters and brothers.

Life is fragile, beautiful, impermanent, transforming. And sometimes what is difficult in our lives and in our shared world is interwoven with what also brings blessing and hope, inner strength and wisdom, connection and community, beauty and compassion, and kindness and love. This teaching is so important because of the balance it brings, the grounding, the wisdom, and increased skillfulness in meeting what is without grasping or aversion.

For me, this is a lifelong practice. There is no graduation date that I see on the horizon. Only the deep humility and compassion and love for what it is to be human in our shared beautiful hurting world. Both are real — the beauty and the pain. And every day is precious. We are all precious. Blessings to everyone on our human journeys.

With Metta,

💜

Molly