Reflections On Working With the Trauma of These Times and Beyond

Photo by Molly

 Reflections On Working With the 

Trauma of These Times and Beyond

It is not easy to be human. There are so many obstacles that we encounter in our lifetimes to remaining grounded, to staying heart-centered, to experiencing the connection and support and resilience that we need to remain increasingly embodied in our sacred wholeness. 

It is a truly courageous and difficult journey to cultivate and sustain a level of consciousness which empowers us to recognize, heal, and transform our illusions, indoctrination, and ignorance. Because, without question, it is my belief that we are all impacted by what the author, poet, and activist bell hooks referred to as imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy. 

At the heart of so many of our illusions is dehumanization, greed, hatred, and delusion. The rugged individualism worshiped and embedded in our culture pushes many of us to exile our capacities for vulnerability, intimacy, authenticity, empathy, compassion, and love. And anything which leads us to diminish, deny, depress our authentic selves is a trauma to our individual and collective well-being.

It is also true that we are born upon a land where countless atrocities have occurred over time which have never been collectively brought out into the open and healed. These generations of ancestral and collective legacy burdens — which are woven through hundreds of years and more of unattended trauma — also are part of the energy of the Earth that we walk and absorb. Consequently, it isn't only the trauma that we are living with in the present which is causing so much devastating harm. This present day trauma is also intimately linked to our unhealed histories of the past which continue to haunt us and be blindly passed on generation after generation.

Added onto all of this are the unconscious choices that so many of us were faced with as tiny vulnerable children. If we were born to parents who have carried their own unaddressed ancestral and collective trauma, the result would have been that they were inevitably limited and impaired in their capacity to fully see us and to meet our deeper needs. If our anger as toddlers, for example, was met with more anger, with punishment rather than age appropriate expectations and guidance, with emotional withdrawal rather than grounded, wise, and loving compassion, the result inevitably would have been ruptures to trust and attachment. And when we don't experience compassionate mirroring, understanding, and responding to our deeper emotional, mental, and spiritual needs with any degree of consistency we are left feeling unsafe, unacceptable, shamed, and flawed.

When faced with having to choose between attachment and authenticity, as tiny children we will always choose to do whatever we have to do to maintain attachment with our caregivers because our very survival depends upon it. Too often this means suppressing, repressing, depressing the fullness of who we truly are. Again, these ruptures to attachment lead us to exile our vulnerability, authenticity, and capacities for empathy and compassion. 

There is a huge price that we carry into our adult lives when what we learned as children was to exile out of our conscious awareness different parts of ourselves and the deep knowing and lived experience of who we most truly are. Image management then takes over and often we don't even recognize how disassociated we are from ourselves and the compromising betrayals to our own true needs that we are living by. This has certainly been my experience and those of countless others who I've known personally and professionally.

Gabor Maté clearly, wisely, and compassionately articulates in this video the experiences in early childhood which can compel us to choose between attachment and authenticity. And he illuminates that it is never too late to heal the obstacles to our wholeness and live increasingly out of our authentic selves. We have this choice.

Looking through the lens of individual, intergenerational, and collective trauma, is it any wonder that there is so much depression, anxiety, addiction, dehumanization, and other forms of violence towards oneself and others in our society and beyond? I feel so much compassion for myself and all others as I've come to see that there is so much inherited pain and trauma that we humans carry within us, and so often without our conscious awareness. This was, again, very true for me. 

And hurt people hurt people. 

There is no blame or shame in saying this. I'm simply illuminating the inevitable truth that our unattended pain that lives on within us has to go somewhere. We can both internalize it through harsh self-judgments and shame and we can project it outward through a lack of awareness and sensitivity to the pain and suffering of others. To the degree that we are numb and limited in our conscious capacity to hold ourselves with empathy, compassion, and love is the degree that we will be empathically impaired in our relationships with all others. This illuminates the roots of how it is that dehumanization is so prevalent in our nation and beyond.

It is also true that human beings who are healing and unburdening these legacy burdens create ripples which expand out into our collective environments — something which brings healing and hope for us all.

It is precisely because of my own struggles — struggles to awaken in a culture and world which often conspires to keep us ignorant and asleep, repressed and depressed, separated and polarized, distracted and disinformed, and marinating in forces of deep harm — that inspire me to write. Again and again I am moved to speak to how we can work with the individual, ancestral, and cultural legacy burdens that we have inherited and are unknowingly carrying within ourselves. There is so much that I have learned the hard way. But I have been learning. 

This is also certainly a lifelong journey, this peeling back layer after layer of our illusions. It's amazing as I look back and now clearly see the density of the fog I'd been living in and didn't even know it. And I am so very grateful to see — and for the sacred light within myself and which I now recognize within us all.

Sometimes our sacred inner radiance is diminished or blocked out, this light within ourselves and within this beautiful hurting world that we share. But it is there none the less. Always.

Photo by Molly

There is also so much to be grateful for and inspired by. In the midst of the ongoing trauma that we are living through at this time, and in times past, there are increasing numbers of truth-tellers, wisdom-keepers, courageous visionaries, activists and authors, poets and artists, spiritual and political leaders, and beloved teachers and healers who are stepping forward illuminating doorways and pathways through and out of the darkness.

Today I see so clearly how we humans are born into this world whole and beautiful and precious. There is this sacredness that is the core of who we all are that Mark Nepo wisely describes in this way — “Each person is born with an unencumbered spot, free of expectation and regret, free of ambition and embarrassment, free of fear and worry; an umbilical spot of grace where we were each first touched by God. It is this spot of grace that issues peace. Psychologists call this spot the Psyche, Theologians call it the Soul, Jung calls it the Seat of the Unconscious, Hindu masters call it Atman, Buddhists call it Dharma, Rilke calls it Inwardness, Sufis call it Qalb, and Jesus calls it the Center of our Love.”

I have often repeated these wise words and others in many of the posts that I have written because we humans often need to hear things over and over again to truly and deeply integrate what we are learning into the ways in which we live our lives. This has once again certainly been true for me.

And we need support along the way which empowers us to recognize our choices related to authenticity and whether we are blindly choosing to harden or to consciously open our hearts. It is my experience that understanding our individual, intergenerational, and collective trauma empowers us to unburden these legacies we have absorbed and to live increasingly out of our deepest values and intentions. 

Photo by Molly

It is both humbling and empowering to recognize the continuum that I believe we humans all fall on with these elements on either end:

Ignorance, fear, separation, hatred, greed, delusion ________________________________________

consciousness, connectedness, clarity, peace, compassion, love

If we are blessed in our lifetimes with ever evolving and expanding support, courage, healing, unburdening, and awareness, as we grow older the experience Fierce Love will come to be our most frequent companion. We will increasingly embody a depth of compassion and connectedness and Love.

And that said, oh my!, it has been such a long and arduous journey from carrying layers upon layers of my own individual, ancestral, and collective trauma to living a life increasingly unburdened from the trauma of our ancestors and all who have come before us and may still be part of our lives today.

Remembering the wise words of Mr. Rogers fills me with gratitude. There are many helpers among us! 

These are the wise ones who empower us to recognize and hold compassion for our many parts and those of others. They illuminate the sacred journey which increasingly frees us of our harsh inner critics and judging minds. And as our capacity for compassion, connection, clarity, and love grows, we are able to articulate and more consistently embody our intentions and lead Self-led lives.

And intentions are powerful! These are some of mine:

• To live my life as a prayer
• To do no harm
• To act in ways which facilitate breaking the intergenerational cycles of pain and trauma for my beloved children
• To heal, unburden, and transform the individual, ancestral, and collective legacy burdens I've inherited and absorbed 
• To remember, recognize, bless, and honor the Sacred woven through all of life
• To work to alleviate the suffering within myself and all others
• To remember beauty, generosity, and engage in random acts of kindness wherever possible
• To create ripples of healing rather than harm

I am moved to end with sharing this recent resource which I have discovered and now purchased — Releasing Our Burdens: A Guide To Healing Individual, Ancestral, and Collective Trauma.  Richard Schwartz, Thomas Hübl, and Fatimah Finney illuminate pathways, tools, and consciousness of how, without exception, we humans are all impacted by legacy burdens rooted in individual, intergenerational, and collective trauma and how we can heal. This is a brilliant, beautiful, wise, and compassionate resource which you too may find deeply helpful.

Bless us all on our journeys,

💜

Molly

Photo by Molly