Caverly Morgan: Self-Improvement Doesn't Work

For some years now I have been recognizing, healing, and transforming an incredibly strong inner critic. I was soaked in judgments towards myself and also, inevitably, towards others. These painful criticisms, shame, fear, and ungrieved losses and trauma were a powerful force in my life that had become so normalized that I was oblivious to its presence and harm and that there was another way to live. In my quest to be perfect, to smile and be happy, to be agreeable and go along and avoid conflict, and to mange an image that would protect me from rejection — as I did all this and more, I had no idea how deeply I had abandoned myself. And then, in the early 80s, recovery happened and counseling and seeing aspects of myself that had been hidden, which plunged me into self-improvement. I had to get rid of all these fragmented parts, experiences, and emotions that I felt shame about and rejected. Meeting myself with compassionate inquiry and love was beyond my experience at that time and for some time to come... Today I resonate deeply with this reflection from Caverly Morgan. There is nothing to improve. The journey is simply about becoming who we are as fully embodied and sacred human beings. Over time, we gradually learn to meet with lovingkindness all that we have struggled with. And the harshness that we have carried for so long begins to slip away and lose its grip on us. We soften. We meet ourselves with compassion and love. And we recognize more and more the sacred being that we and our fellow humans have always been. Bless us all on our journeys. 🙏 Molly

Dear Friend,

It’s difficult to ask ourselves foundational practice questions like “Who am I truly?” if we’re mired in conversations about worthiness. And we must be careful not to give too much validity, attribute too much reality, to a hologram, otherwise our practices can easily slide into “self-improvement.” Remember:

The reason that self-improvement ultimately doesn’t work is that, in reality, there is no separate self to improve.

It’s not my experience that, through practice, negative self-talk—the voice of the inner critic—disappears forever. To believe so gives this illusory voice in our heads a solidity it doesn’t actually have. It is my experience that through practice we become clearer and clearer about what this voice is and therefore we tend to fall for its shenanigans less and less frequently.

This is not to say it never arises again. We can think of the workings of the inner critic as storm clouds. We could say that over time, with practice, we believe less and less that every time the clouds roll through, the sun has disappeared. We can, absolutely, focus on the recognition that not only does the sun not disappear but we are the steady sun, while the clouds do whatever the clouds do. They are transitory. Impermanent.

We are undisturbed.

There’s plenty of room for storms to do what they will as we inquire: Who am I? Who are we? What is “us”?

It’s liberating to realize that we don’t have to get rid of anything to know who we truly are.

Continue reading for companion practices that support disidentifying from negative self-talk, and shifting from self-improvement to knowing who you truly are.  These journaling practices are excerpted from my book, The Heart of Who We Are. (To read or listen to the practices in full, head to Chapter Four.) 

In Peace,
Caverly 

https://www.caverlymorgan.org/theheartofwhoweare#heartpage