 |
| Ron, myself, and Robert Beatty, Spring 2013 |
Becoming Grace-Proned
Robert Beatty also was the one who married Ron and me on September 14th, 2013. And I am very aware that it is the essence of these teachings which have helped me over many years now to become a healthier and more loving and compassionate partner to myself, which in turn have helped me to find a healthier and more loving and compassionate life partner. Every time Ron and I go to PIMC I am reminded of our wedding and my profound gratitude for my sweet, loving husband who I get to grow with and grow old together with.
❤ ❤ ❤
Robert began this morning with a song we all sang which spoke to finding refuge in the Buddha, in the Dharma, and in the Sangha. It is my belief that one does not need to identify as being Buddhist to resonate with the root meanings here: I take refuge in the part of myself that is Awake. I take refuge in the Teachings which help me to remember and live increasingly out of my innate wisdom, love, and compassion. And I do this in Community, breaking out of patterns of inner or outer isolation and instead embracing the experience of belonging, connection, and cultivating relationships with others who are also seeking to heal and awaken and grow into their greater wholeness.
During the song and during the meditation that followed, I wept. Waves of grief were arising, ebbing and flowing through me. I feel these waves of sadness in this moment as I write...
So often gratitude and grief are intertwined. As is Grace.
❤ ❤ ❤
I know the experience of being both closed down and of opening up. I know them deeply. Even for those who grew up in families on the healthier end of the spectrum and who were less shame-based, our culture is largely not a healthy one. American culture does not value vulnerability and is not grief friendly. Yet we all need to be able to grieve to be healthy and to live more wholeheartedly. Otherwise we stay stuck in defenses we may not even know we have which shut out our larger capacity for compassion and wisdom, connection and belonging, vulnerability and tenderness, joy and love.
I've been witness to many, both personally and professionally, over my lifetime who have sought and found a pathway to awakening. And I've been witness to those who have never or not yet found their way out of their suffering. My twin brother, who committed suicide 40 years ago, is certainly an obvious example. For many who struggle with limitations related to empathy, however, the ways of being stuck in old patterns of lacking in compassion and tenderheartedness may be less obvious to them. I certainly speak of this with the humility of having been there. And with the compassion that I was once a stranger to.
So today I can't call others assholes or morons or stupid idiots or haters, etc. I can't... Well, the honest truth is that there are moments when I yell Fuck You! at the TV when there is yet another piece of news of yet one more completely asleep person with great power causing great harm to other human beings, animals, the air we breathe or water we drink or climate we live with or the Earth Mother we are utterly dependent upon and intimately part of. So, yes, I admit it. Sometimes I say that. And my husband is the one who bears witness to my moments of fierce anger and outrage. But I don't take this part of myself out for walks in public. This is a private part of me that I am committed to doing the best I can to keeping private. Because I want to contribute to the peace in the world, not the many faces of suffering and violence — aggression, anger, disrespect, dehumanization, demonetization, oppression, racism, and on and on.
I think of my teacher of many years, Pema Chödrön, whose wisdom has long touched and opened my heart — "When we hold on to our opinions with aggression, no matter how valid our cause, we are simply adding more aggression to the planet, and violence and pain increase. Cultivating nonaggression is cultivating peace." This is a vital teaching. Deep bow of gratitude to Pema Chödrön.
Because without teachers like her I never could have found my way to forgive myself, or accept and love myself. And if we don't love and befriend ourselves, foibles and all, how are we to love and accept and truly befriend anyone else, foibles and all? We can't. We are even limited in the consistency of how we love our own children. I know. I've been there. I've hurt my own children.
❤ ❤ ❤
So how can I rant on anyone else? How can I stay in that place of harsh unforgiveness and berating criticism and righteous judgments when I, too, am among those whose actions have caused great harm? And, if we were all to be completely honest with ourselves — which for most of us is certainly a long, painful, and incredibly courageous process in itself — then we would have to admit that we, too, have caused suffering for ourselves and others. Sure, it may not appear to be as great as the blatant suffering caused by others. My mother's harm of myself and my twin brother when she was stuck in the severity of her extreme mental illness was not as great as the harm I caused my own children, for sure. But the harm still happened. And Trump is obviously striking out ferociously causing horrific suffering in our nation and across the planet. And there is also the truth, for those brave enough to look, that Obama also caused great suffering. Sure, not as great or pervasive as that which is occurring today, but great harm just the same. And this is, at its root, not a comparison game.
This is also not about being a democrat or a republican or about being any of the polarities we are constantly reminded of in American media. This is about being human. We are human beings. And when we are unconscious and disconnected and injured and oblivious and living out of ignorance and illusions and indoctrination, we will cause harm to ourselves and others. We will.
The question is, in my mind, how do each of us own our part — whatever that is, no matter how small or large — and vow to become mindful? And forgive and befriend ourselves, foibles and all? If we're slinging names at anyone else, no matter how justified we believe ourselves to be in that moment, we could choose to pause and breathe and catch ourselves and stop. Like I do after I've yelled Fuck You! at someone on the TV. I choose to stop myself. And remember that I have more skills today, skills which help me to actually be more aligned with my values, to live more authentically, to add less violence and more peace to the world.
I have to. I am a grandmother to Oliver and Eleanor and Carsten and to little Ethan John who will be born on April 4th. And I am a mother to Brian and Kevin and Matthew and step-mother to Allison. And I am an Elder.
Our world is Elder-starved. As my teacher Michael Meade speaks to, everyone grows into an "older" but not everyone grows into an Elder. Truly, we adults have to grow up. We must. We need to evolve for our children and grandchildren and all the children everywhere. We need to stand with them and for them with everything we have. This has nothing at all to do with our political party. This has everything to do with being human and having enough resilience and strength and courage and support and wisdom to grow into the beauty and strength and fierce love which is found in the Sacredness of our true nature.
❤ ❤ ❤
And so I wept this morning, tears streaming down my face. There is so much, so much to hold. I wept for my mom who did not begin to wake up from the prison of her severe mental illness until she began to be successfully treated at age 87. And her suffering while asleep was excruciating, as it is for anyone who is asleep (although they may be completely disconnected from their true pain). I wept for all of us who strike out at ourselves and/or other human beings. I cried for all who do not know that part of themselves that is Awake, who do not know teachings which have fed their hearts and minds and souls, for those who do not have a loving community which nourishes and strengthens the capacity within us to be wise, compassionate, loving, and kind.
And I wept because today I have all that. I have this abundance that I once could not have imagined. I could not imagine what I had not experienced. Yet, there was this place within me, this thread to the place within that is Awake, that I listened to and which guided me and pushed me when I resisted and urged me to jump into new territories and unfamiliar landscapes of my heart and your heart and this wondrous world we all share. Wow.
So many tears. So much gratitude.
❤ ❤ ❤
Robert spoke of grief and grace and karma. He related how intimately connected our intentions are with our karma. Of how our grief is often the doorway that opens us to grace. And how it is all connected.
Life is so amazing. And as Robert shared, mindful intentions make us more grace-prone. And the karmic activity of our lives shifts from that which has caused suffering to ourselves and others to a greater likelihood of that which brings us peace, joy, wisdom, and love. Does pain still happen? Of course it does. Experiencing pain, and joy, is all part of what it is to be human. But now we have new skills and more options and we no longer have to call each other morons or idiots and dicks and on and on. We can stop ourselves and make a different choice. And as Robert said this morning, we can remember — Oh, that person must be really hurting, suffering, out of his/her mind.
Because we can't cause harm to ourselves and other beings when we are connected with the deep and sacred wisdom of our minds, our hearts, and our souls,... when we are acting out of that place within us that is Awake.
❤ ❤ ❤
Over the years I've consciously set several intentions. These are some of them:
- Do no harm.
- Live my life as a prayer.
- Heal myself and the generations before and after me.
- Be the mother and grandmother my children and grandchildren need me to be.
- Cultivate beginner's mind/open mind.
- Choose my teachers wisely.
- Be mindful.
- Learn the ways of Partnership; recognize and actively let go of patterns rooted in Dominator models of relating.
- Make and live my amends to those I have caused harm.
- Strengthen and grow in my sobriety; get high on life in ways which feed the real need.
- Discover and live my purpose.
- Cultivate connection and belonging and community.
- Create, write, paint, play, laugh, be.
- Soak in beauty.
- Seek balance.
- Stand in protection of children and other beings.
- Add to the peace and healing in the world.
- Form and be actively engaged in a women's circle.
- Write my book.
- Be kind.
- Live authentically.
- Find my Ron. (That happened on November 10, 2011.)
- Deepen my capacity to live from that place within myself that is Awake.
- Grow up and become who I really am.
What are your intentions? They are so powerful. May your intentions reflect your true needs, the beauty of who you really are, and make you Grace-prone.
❤ ❤ ❤
We're all in this together. We're all family.
With love and blessings,
Molly
❤
❤
If interested, this is Robert Beatty's teaching from today:
(The teachings and questions begin around 16 minutes into this video
and Ron and I can be found, along with my beautiful friend and former
supervisor JoDe, in the background at around 11 minutes in.)
 |
| Robert marries Ron and myself, September 2013 |
No comments:
Post a Comment