Thích Nhất Hạnh: The Pain Of Our Ancestors

I share for all of us this excerpt from one of Thích Nhất Hạnh's books. 

Thirty years ago when I first began attending to and healing my own heart, I was told that this path, this work, this healing was for more than just myself. It was also for all the generations that came before, for my own children, and for those that are yet to come. 

As my brother and I were growing up, and through much of my adult life, my mama acted out of her fear and trauma, as did I for many years. My twin succumbed to the darkness of denied and neglected generational suffering and committed suicide when he was 26. My path has unfolded in a very different way. 

And it began with the willingness, the openness, the courage, commitment and support to embark on a journey and process of recognizing and dismantling the walls that I had built around my heart, the walls that had been unknowingly passed on to me and to my brother. I did not have to blindly continue acting out of the suffering of my ancestors that had never been embraced and healed. 

In this process, I have made amazing discoveries. Such as how to love and be loved. And how to role model and offer a different way to live, one which embraces an ever expanding experience of being in our bodies and in this world and in this life we are gifted. 

May we each discover whatever it is that we need to increasingly embrace, open, heal, and bring tenderness to our hearts and all that we find there. And as we bring down the walls we may not even know are there, we open to the healing and wholeness not just of ourselves, but also that which our families and our world hungers for. With each year that we are alive, and with greater and greater depth, we can be the healing and the peace, be the compassion and the love, be the wise and the sweet and Sacred being that is our essence. We can do this for ourselves and for the children and for our ancestors.

Bless us all ♥ Molly

Some of our ill-being comes from hurt and pain in our own life; but some has been transmitted to us by our ancestors. Think of a stalk of corn that grows from a seed. Each ear of corn, each leaf, contains that initial seed. In every cell of that plant that seed is there. And just as the plant of corn is the continuation of the seed of corn, you are the continuation of your parents.

When you see a picture of yourself as a five-year-old child, you may ask yourself, "Am I the same person as that child?" The answer isn't "Yes" or "No." Your form, your feelings, your mental formations, your perceptions, and your consciousness are quite different from when you were that child. It's clear you aren't exactly that same person. But if you say that you are a completely different person, that's equally wrong. You and that young child inter-are with each other.

Before my mother gave birth to me, she had a miscarriage. The child who didn't arrive that time - was he my brother or was he me? We aren't the same, but we aren't totally different. My feet have been transmitted to me by my ancestors. When I walk, I walk with my own feet, but these  feet are also theirs. I can see the hand of my mother in my hand. I can see the arms of my father in my arms. I am my parents continuation.

There are those who have lost their biological parents, or never knew them, and have no chance to connect with them in person. There are also people who grew up with their blood relatives, whose parents are still alive, yet they are unable to communicate with them. In all these situations, even if you don't have a regular interpersonal relationship with your parents or your ancestors, your body and mind continue their suffering and their hopes as well as your own.

So if you have suffering in you and you don't know where it comes from, looking deeply you may see that this is the suffering of your ancestors, handed down from one generation to another, because no one knew how to recognize, embrace, and heal it. It's not your fault, nor is it their fault.

Many people are angry at their parents because of the suffering they experienced as children. They say, "That man, I don't want anything to do with him." You may believe that your father is outside of you, but your father is inside of you. Your father is present in every cell of your body. You can't remove your father from you. It's impossible. When he suffered, you suffered, and when you suffer, he suffers. Getting angry with your father, you're getting angry with yourself. The suffering of the parent is the suffering of the child. Looking deeply is a chance to transform and heal this suffering and stop the cycle.

So part of looking deeply into our suffering is to know that it is not ours alone. When we're able to embrace our suffering, we're also embracing our ancestors, and the healing goes back through the generations. When we practice mindful breathing to know how to recognize, embrace, and transform our pain, we do it for them as well as for us. Then we can heal not only our own suffering and that of our ancestors, but we can also avoid transmitting this suffering to our loved ones, to our children, and their children.

-  Thích Nhất Hạnh

No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering

http://www.parallax.org/no-mud-no-lotus/

Myself, my twin John, and my mother Nancy Strong, 1953