My Journey From Guilt to Gratitude

Ron, Molly, and Robert Beatty

It was thirty years ago that I first heard the words gratitude practice, and the meaning was lost to me. I did not comprehend what such a "practice" could mean or would look like. 

Around the same time, a therapist gave me a homework assignment in which I was to write out what I felt guilty for. What I discovered was that - once I got over my resistance and actually did it - this came easily to me. This list also surprised me in how it flowed out my depths, going on and on and on and ending with "breathing air." I felt guilty for breathing air, for simply being alive. 

The journey from guilt to gratitude has been a long one. With deep intention, amazing synchronicity and support, persistent effort, and courage and Grace, I was able to stay with what was in the early years an absolute whirlwind of discovery of both frightening and painful, and amazing and wondrous, new ideas and ways of seeing and experiencing. Gradually, and over many years, I have been able to recognize and shed more and more of what had plagued me and stood as obstacles to living more authentically and more deeply out of my true nature - obstacles such as guilt and fear, shame and blame, judgments and projections, distorted perceptions and belief systems, and so many unshed tears that had been deeply buried in my heart. Simultaneously, my heart was opening to and increasingly integrating and experiencing the gratitude, compassion, beauty, joy, and love that had always been there. This is what I believe to be our true essence, one which reflects the Sacredness of our being.

Today it is my gratitude list that is endless and ever expanding. I am grateful for Ron and my sons and "daughters" and all of the amazing people in our lives. I am grateful for the amazing healing that has begun between my mother and myself and our family. I am grateful that Ron and I were able to just meet with Robert to review our wedding vows. I am grateful that Ron and I are getting married! I am grateful that Robert is marrying us! I am grateful that Ron and I are actually able to function and have some balance and joy while we are also experiencing one of the most challenging and often painful times in our lives together. I am grateful that I can cry when I feel sad and laugh from my belly when something just lights me up! I am grateful for the lilies in our patio pond and for the gentle rain that briefly fell. I am grateful that I saved the tiny spider in our home and that my circle of caring has grown and grown and increasingly embraces all beings. I am grateful for love and sweet tenderness and the sound of our kitties purring. I am grateful that I awoke this morning, that I am breathing air, that I am alive.  And the list goes on and on and on...

May we all be blessed with growing in gratitude. May we be here now and see what we see, know what we know, feel what we feel. May we discover and embrace exactly what it is that will increasingly awaken our hearts and our capacity for presence, compassion, caring, kindness, and love. This life we are given - with all its joys and sorrows - is such a gift. Blessed be.

 With gratitude and reverence ~ Molly

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  “If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.” 

― Meister Eckhart