* * * * *
Random Acts of Kindness
And then I think of Roy. It had been some time since I had first seen him out on the corner I frequent when getting off the freeway on my way home. Whenever possible, my hand would reach his before the light turned green with a dollar bill and a granola bar, my standard that I always keep handy for anyone on any corner with their little signs asking for help.
There were times before I knew his name that I was unable to reach him because he would be doing a frenetic dance, swirling about erratically and not able to see my attempts to connect with him. And I recognized the meth dance. And I felt so sad. There were other times that angry eyes met mine under his head full of thick curry hair. And I knew that his anger had nothing to do with me.
Then, finally, one day he was standing there and the light had just turned red and I could see that he was calm as he approached my outstretched hand. And our eyes met, as did our smiles. And I asked, "What is your name?" And he responded, "Roy." And I said, "Hi Roy. My name is Molly." "Nice to meet you," Roy responded. And as the light was turning green and we were still briefly smiling at one another, I looked into Roy's eyes and said, "You matter."
Roy does not think that he matters. But he does. We all do... My heart is touched with these deep truths. Tears....
Among my Visions for this New Year is that, among those of us who are able, we human beings will find our own unique ways to expand our random acts of kindness. Because we all matter. No exceptions.
* * * * *
Finding the Light In Darkness
How is it that we humans grow our capacity for generosity, compassion, caring, and acting out of the consciousness of a higher good for ourselves and others? Such a critical question to be asking ourselves. And, of course, we will each have our own unique responses.
For myself, and as I continue to grow and expand my experiences and awareness in an ongoing way, I have come to see things in a different light. One example is reflected in how it hasn't been that long ago that I would speak of the need to strengthen our hearts. Today I recognize that my heart has always been strong ― and that it has been the blockages, the obstacles that I have built to protect myself from pain which have obscured my embodiment of my already strong-heart.
Which brings me to my Intentions. Very clearly, for myself, this includes the passion to persist on this amazing journey of retrieving and transforming the wounded parts of myself which have impaired my capacity to be more fully alive and grounded in the wholeness of who I am.
This path of growing into greater authenticity is not easy. Not at all. It is a courageous journey. And especially given the unhealthy culture that we live in coupled often with generations of carried pain and trauma. That said, it has also been my experience that being stuck in the old hurting parts of ourselves creates far more pain for ourselves, our loved ones, and beyond than doing the inner work to free ourselves from that pain. The avoidance of this shadow work also puts us on auto-play as our unresolved past continues to show up again and again in the present. I say this with the deepest compassion and tenderness because I know what it is to be stuck. Deeply. And for years and years. And I also know that we all are always and absolutely doing the best that we can.
One way in which I have heard our commonly held human struggles framed very much resonates with my experience. This narrative illuminates that it is like being stuck in deep mud right alongside the road you see and want to be on. Yet with each effort to step out of the mud with one foot, the other foot goes in deeper. Medication can help us get out of the mud. Or 12 Step programs. Or certain kinds of counseling or spiritual practices and on and on. However, and this is key, if we don't retrieve and transform the roots of the pain and trauma which first propelled us into our depression, addictions, anxiety, unhealthy relationships, autoimmune diseases and other illnesses, etc. ― then it is very likely that at some point we will fall off the road and all the way back into the mud again.
Today I understand that our hurting parts desperately want to be seen, held, and freed from their pain and will continue to rise up with different symptoms, and often more and more strongly, the longer that we ignore them. Too often, sadly, what happens is that we connect with resources which, while addressing our symptoms, bypass addressing and unburdening the deeper trauma that we have absorbed. And then we end up back in the mud again and again. This has been my very painful experience ― one which went on for years into my sobriety and journey of seeking to break the generational cycles of addictions and pain for myself and my children.
What I have discovered and experienced over many years now are layers of ancestral, cultural, and collective trauma that I believe we humans all carry. Unburdening ourselves of this trauma is profoundly freeing and life changing. It is this deeply transformative journey that asks of us to stop the endless running and move towards the pain we've unknowingly inherited from our families and culture.
Francis Weller writes, "I am not suggesting that we live a life preoccupied with sorrow. I am saying that our refusal to welcome the sorrows that come to us, our inability to move through these experiences with true presence and conscious awareness, condemns us to a life shadowed by grief. Welcoming everything that comes to us is the challenge. This is the secret to being fully alive."
There is so much light within ourselves and each other that glows ever more brightly as we move individually and together through the dark places we humans have long carried within ourselves. As we do, we discover our loving core that has always been there and that is the true essence of who I believe we all are.
* * * * *
How do we nourish ourselves and find beauty and joy and courage and resilience in these times? There are so many different paths which bring us home to ourselves, which empower us to blossom, and which lead us out of isolation and into community. And there are countless resources which empower us to heal, to retrieve and transform trauma, and to experience our greater wholeness as sacred beings. And, of course, no two human beings will share the same path.
It is also my perspective that there are commonalities which are at the core of what supports us to more and more deeply open to love. And that's the bottom line. Does our journey bring us into the place of ever deepening compassion and love for ourselves and all beings? Are we turning our inner and outer walls sideways to become bridges? Are we transforming our tendencies to shame, judge, dehumanize ourselves and others into greater consciousness, kindness, and generosity? For me, these are key questions.
I am also deeply aware that the inner reflects the outer and that the implications of our individual and collective human journeys have far ranging consequences. We are always creating ripples through our actions, beliefs, emotions, and thoughts. And what remains unhealed within us will find its way into the outer world. Thus the value of our paths of heart and healing — and how it is that we find support for ourselves while also offering that support, as we are able, to others — is invaluable.
And as we embody greater unity, peace, clarity, compassion, and love within ourselves, the greater those qualities will also grow and expand in our world.
Prayer
For Unity
You,
the One
From
whom on different paths
all
of us have come.
To
Whom on different paths
All
of us are going.
Make
strong in our hearts what unites us.
Build
bridges across all that divides us;
United
make us rejoice in our diversity.
At
one in our witness to your peace,
A
rainbow of your glory.
Amen.
— Br.
David Steindl-Rast
* * * * *
A
Dedication to Kindness
A
dedication to kindness offers us a chance to try to make a real
difference despite the obstacles and unhappiness we might face. No
matter what our belief systems, actions, or status, we are joined
together in this world through the strands of relationship and
interconnection. That suffering child, orphaned through a tsunami,
who we see in Indonesia or Sri Lanka is part of our lives, as we must
not forget that. There is nothing that just happens only "there"
anymore - not a war, not an exploitation of the weak, not a disease,
not a hope for change. We need to stop reinforcing the sense of
dehumanization, of "us" and "them," of separation
that leads to wanton cruelty in the first place.
And
if tomorrow is going to look any better than today, we must realize
that the currency for compassion isn't what someone does, right or
wrong - it is the very fact that that person exists. Commitment to
the possibility of kindness cannot be discarded as foolish or
irrelevant, even in troubling times when we often can't find easy
answers. If we abandon the force of kindness as we confront cruelty,
we won't learn anything to take into tomorrow - not from history, not
from one another, not from life.
Even
if we are encountering cruelty, we must try to understand its roots
and determine not to be the same as those acting it out. We must
determine not to simply keep perpetrating the forces of separation
and disregard. If we don't make the effort, what will we really have
accomplished?...
We
can all keep on trying, through the extension of lovingkindness to
others, and make the effort to pay attention to them in an inclusive
way rather than splitting them off into the "other" - the
"different" ones who can be hurt with impunity. This
doesn't at all mean that we will like everybody or acquiesce to
everyitng that he or she does. It doesn't mean that we become
complacent or passive about naming wrongdoing as wrong or about
seeking change, sometimes very forcefully, with our whole
heart.
Practicing
lovingkindness does mean that we learn to see the lives of others,
really see them, as related to our own lives. It means that we open
up to the possibility of caring for others not just because we like
them or admire them or are indebted to them in some way, but because
our lives are inextricably linked to one another's. We use the
practice of lovingkindness meditation as a way to recover our
innermost knowledge of that linkage as we dissolve the barriers we
have been upholding and genuinely awaken to how connected we all are.
―Sharon
Salzberg
* * * * *
With love and blessings to all,
💗
Molly
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