Getting To Hold My Mama's Hand Again....

Everything changed yesterday. I received a call from my mother’s assisted living. Hospice and management decided that because of my mom’s consistent decline, and not knowing how much longer my mother has, that it’s time to allow me to visit in her apartment again.

I just cried and cried. No more window visits or attempts to FaceTime. I just get to go be with my mom every day now. Since the new safety measures due to the coronavirus, it would have been two months ago today since I last held my mama’s hand. I knew that would change when my mother reached the final stages of her life, but I didn’t know just when that would be. Until yesterday. Now that has changed.

Because of the end stage Alzheimer’s, and because my mom has been in steep decline, I didn’t know if she’d wake up at all or would know who I am. So my husband and I just settled in quietly next to my mother’s bed. And I touched her and spoke quietly that I’m here and love her. My mother slept. I was just so grateful to be there and had no expectations of what our visit would look like other than to simply be together.

I thought Mom was just continuing to sleep when I noticed some movement under her blanket. When I lifted the blanket, my mama — eyes still closed — reached for my hand. She knew I was there and she knew it was me. We held hands. I quietly wept. Then she brought my hand to her mouth and kissed my hand repeatedly, eyes still closed but smiling now. Then her eyes opened slightly and we gazed into each other’s eyes. And she blew me kisses.

I got to feed my mother again. And hold hands and smile into her eyes. Besides knowing me, Mom also looked at Ron with a smile that told me that she remembers him, too. There are few words if any now. But she did say “thank you” after I kissed her. Mostly our communication is through touch, through our eyes and our smiles and our hearts — all in the language of love.

Our three hours together yesterday were a treasure beyond what words can express. Mom was in and out of consciousness during our visit, but that didn’t matter. We got to be together!! And today I go back! Right now, these are my life’s greatest gifts — simply getting to be with my mother. Deep, deep bow of gratitude.

❤ Molly