Stephen and Ondrea Levine: When the Mind Sinks Into the Heart and We Remember Who We Are

There is a grace approaching

that we shun as much as death.

It is the completion of our birth.

It does not come in time, but in timelessness

when the mind sinks into the heart

and we remember who we are.

It is an insistent grace that draws us

to the edge and beckons us to surrender

safe territory and enter our enormity.

We know we must pass beyond knowing

and fear the shedding.

But we are pulled upward

nonetheless

through forgotten ghosts

and unexpected angels

realizing it doesn't make sense

to make sense anymore.

This morning the universe danced before you

as you sang -- it loves that song!

- Stephen and Ondrea Levine

 

Janet Quinn: I Am a Woman Bathing In the Bliss of the Company of Other Women

This is for the beautiful women I sit in circle with on the one year anniversary of the birth of our circle. This is also for Judith Duerk, who 25 years ago first introduced me to the power and healing of women gathering to share our stories and our lives. And this is for all the women I love and care about, and this is for all women everywhere. May we break through the inner and outer barriers that have kept us silent and separate, disempowered and distrusting, fearful and and isolated. May we increasingly connect and nourish the flowering of our most authentic, strong, wise, loving and beautiful selves. 

Bless us all ~ Molly

I Am a Woman Bathing In the Bliss of the

Company of Other Women

Sitting in a circle, women beside me, women across from me; women around me; women embracing me; women supporting me; women listening to me; women understanding me; women appreciating me; women admiring me; women comforting me; women laughing with me; women keening with me; women celebrating with me; women outraged with me; women creating with me; women allowing me to create my own way. Women healing each other; women healing the world; women longing for peace; women uniting for justice; women choosing love and forgiveness; women visioning; women in the world; women in the home; women mothering children; women tending men; women nursing parents; women running institutions; women struggling; women overcoming; women growing; women dying. Women, huge and tiny, bold and shy, wide and full, long and athletic; wise, strong, tender, holy, compassionate, vital, brilliant, magnificent, multicolored, multitalented, multifaceted, sparkling, glimmering, light-giving gems of Creation, women! I am a woman bathing in the bliss of the company of other women.

- Janet Quinn, I Am a Woman Finding My Voice:

Celebrating the Extraordinary Blessings of Being a Woman

Janet Quinn: I Am a Woman Finding My Voice

This is for all of us, women and men alike, who are finding and bringing forth voices of integrity and truth, vulnerability and courage, healing and wholeness, insight and hope, passion and compassion, consciousness and connection, wisdom and love to ourselves, our families and friends, and our communities, nation and world. 

Warmest Blessings ~ Molly

The International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers

 I Am a Woman Finding My Voice

Did I first lose my voice when I learned not to cry too loud or make too much noise so I didn’t wake up Daddy? Or was it when I learned that talking in church was a sin (unless it was to a priest)? Was it the first time I didn’t say what was inside of me because I didn’t want to make someone mad, or was it the first time that I said what wasn’t true because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? No matter now. Now, I am finding my voice! I am laughing, screaming, crying, and cooing! I am making delighted sounds and angry sounds. I growl and moan, and I sing and chant! I offer soft and sweet words of comfort and passion and I speak loud, clear words of outrage and opposition. I am making holy noise and I am keeping holy, holy silence. Finding my voice means that I claim my freedom to express myself. It means that I speak only what is true for me, and that I will never be silenced again. I am a woman finding my voice!

- Janet Quinn, I Am a Woman Finding My Voice:

Celebrating the Extraordinary Blessings of Being a Woman

 

Wayne Muller: A Day Well Lived

A life is made of days. Each day is an opportunity to say something honestly, to make something more beautiful, to create something precious, to give a gift only we can provide for the family of the earth. To dedicate a single act to the healing of others is a day well lived.

- Wayne Muller, from  How Then Shall We Live?

Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our Lives 
 

Patricia Lynn Reilly: In the Beginning Was the Mother

In the beginning was the Mother.
On the first day, She gave birth to light and darkness.
They danced together.
On the second day, She gave birth to land and water. They touched.
On the third day, She gave birth to green growing things.
They rooted and took a deep breath.
On the fourth day, She gave birth to land, sea, and air creatures.
They walked and flew and swam.
On the fifth day, Her creation learned balance and cooperation.
She thanked her partner for coaching her labor.
On the sixth day, She celebrated the creativity of all living things.
On the seventh day, She left space for the unknown.

― Patricia Lynn Reilly, Be Full Of Yourself: The Journey From Self Criticism To Self Celebration

 

Pema Chödrön: The Love That Will Not Die

The Love That Will Not Die

Spiritual awakening is frequently described

as a journey to the top of a mountain.

We leave our attachments and our worldliness

behind and slowly make our way to the top.

At the peak we have transcended all pain.

The only problem with this metaphor is

that we leave all the others behind --

our drunken brother, our schizophrenic sister,

our tormented animals and friends.

Their suffering continues, unrelieved

by our personal escape.

                       

In the process of discovering our true nature,

the journey goes down, not up.

It’s as if the mountain pointed toward the           

center of the earth instead of reaching into the sky.

Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures,

we move toward the turbulence and doubt.

We jump into it. We slide into it. We tiptoe into it.

We move toward it however we can.

We explore the reality and unpredictability

of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away.

If it takes years, if it takes lifetimes,

we will let it be as it is. At our own pace,

without speed or aggression,

we move down and down and down.

           

With us move millions of others,

our companions in awakening from fear.

At the bottom we discover water,

the healing water of compassion.

Right down there in the thick of things,

we discover the love that will not die.

- Pema Chödrön

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times  

Wayne Muller: Each of Us Has a Gift to Offer the Family of the Earth

The more we know about how things work, the more carefully we will walk on the earth. When we see how our words affect our friends and family, we will be careful with our language; when we see how our actions ripple out into our work and our community, we will be more mindful of what we choose to do and not to do; when we see how our thoughts create the inner atmosphere in which we move each day, we will be more aware of which thoughts we give our energy to and which we simply allow to fall away as uninteresting and not useful.

The opportune moment for kindness and generosity seems to present itself clearly, if only we are able to hear and are prepared to respond. Each of us has a gift to bring to the table, and the family of the earth yearns to receive it.

- Wayne Muller, excerpted from  How Then Shall We Live?

Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our Lives 
 

Wayne Muller: The Heart of Most Spiritual Practice

The heart of most spiritual practice is simply this: Remember. Remember who you are. Remember what you love. Remember what is sacred. Remember what is true. Remember that you will die, and that this day is a gift. Remember how you wish to live.

Wayne Muller, excerpted from How Then Shall We Live?

Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our Lives

The Dalai Lama: Kindness and Love

Be kind whenever possible.

It is always possible.

- The Dalai Lama

Personal Reflections on the Harm Caused by Byron Katie, David Hawkins, and Others to Vulnerable People - Part I

 

Discernment: Who Do We Trust With Our Heart?

   

New Renaissance Bookshop in Portland has provided me with many inspiring and enriching books and other beautiful items over the years. In Portland it is known for its ambiance and to be a wonderful resource for a diversity of spiritual gifts. At the recommendation of friends, I have also plucked off the shelves books by those such as Byron Katie and David Hawkins that I later returned or actually put in my garbage can. I also saw a therapist in Portland, Stephen R. Beck, for over seven years who I later filed a complaint against with the Board of Clinical Social Workers. In 2008, which was five years since I last saw this therapist and nearly a year into the investigation of my complaint, a Stipulated Final Order of Probation and Assessing Civil Penalties was issued which placed Mr. Beck on three years of probation, required him to work with a supervisor, required him to complete continued education, and assessed total civil penalties at over $4,000. That said, there was a time when I thought this therapist to be the best, to be beyond amazing. I trusted him with my heart, with my former marriage, with my children, with others I deeply cared about who I referred to him. I've also trusted others with my heart where that trust was not deserved and not in my higher good. Only some time later did I gain access to a larger picture in which I recognized that not only was this person who I had elevated to some high spiritual plain not grounded in compassion, wisdom, and love, they actually caused harm to vulnerable people. Such as myself. I also recognize today that I am far from unique.

Among the most challenging and empowering life lessons for me has been to recognize and embrace, learn and integrate, heal and transform how it is that I have given my power away. At 63 I am today able to more clearly see my triggers, my injured instincts, and how it is that I have replayed my painful history with others in my life as an adult. I recognize how this repetition of my childhood trauma has included those I have turned to for help, healing, and insight into how to live my life in a more integrated and whole, conscious and compassionate, and kind and loving way. It is amazing how easily so many of us can go looking for love in all the wrong places, or seemingly so. Because that is only part of a greater picture.

What I have also recognized is the power of my heart, spirit, and soul to seek healing for that which remains unattended in the shadows of my deeper self. There was a quote I heard years ago that I will never forget: "We will go as deep as the support we perceive is available to us." Gratefully, it has now been many years since I first connected with the courage, insight, and intention within myself to seek support. What I did not know over 30 years ago, and on into many years down my healing journey, was how I would replay my family of origin relationships and wounds with several of the exact people I turned to for help healing those wounds. It is uncanny, this honing device within us that can zero in on exactly the "right" spouse, friend, therapist, teacher/healer to hook all those old places and put everything on replay. Often, at least for me, how this occurs can be so subtle that I had no idea what was happening. The good news is that, paradoxically, transference and projection also have the potential to be powerful tools that can point to just where we are wounded and the truth of how we may heal. (A very helpful resource is David Richo's book, When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships - http://www.amazon.com/When-Past-Present-Emotional-Relationships/dp/159030571X.)

At some point after I had stopped seeing Mr. Beck, I began to read a book suggested to me by a friend, this one truly illuminating and helpful. My friend knew that I was trying to cope with an aging narcissistic mother. To my complete shock, when I first began reading The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping With the One-Way Relationship In Work, Love, and Family, the person who kept flashing for me was not initially my mother, it was this therapist I had seen for over seven years in individual, couple, and family therapy. Then, something descended over me that I could not shake, no matter my resistance. I became literally sick for three days when I realized that the therapist I had entrusted my heart with, and that of my family, had also demonstrated similar narcissistic qualities to those I had grown up with. It was like a lightbulb went on and suddenly I was seeing what I had not clearly seen before - his lack of empathy and compassion, his unhealthy boundaries, his crazymaking feedback, and his disempowering and retraumatizing messages. It took me another year before I was finally strong enough to do the right thing and file the complaint with the Board of Clinical Social Workers. I not only needed to finally find my voice as part of my healing of the trauma I had experienced with this therapist. I also needed to take this step out of my concern that harm was occurring to other vulnerable clients like myself.

Gratefully, with time I have found the support I have needed to heal, learn from, and transform these painful experiences. I have learned to hold myself and others with deep compassion, humility, and wise awareness of how in our deepest heart of hearts, we are all doing the best we can to heal what has been so wounded within us. This wounding can occur both in our families of origin and also in our culture, which can often look for quick fixes that ignore, deny, distort, and suppress the deeper needs and experiences of our hearts, minds, and souls. I was very impacted by the wounds I sustained in both my childhood family and in this society we live in. So many of us do not receive messages that encourage and nourish vulnerability, empathy, compassion, connection, and love. 

As local to global crises now impact us all, we can see the manifestations everywhere that spring from ignorance of how to truly hold ourselves with compassion. Without self-compassion, we are limited in the experience of connection and compassionate wisdom that we can bring to ourselves and to others, including even those we most deeply love. Yet, I believe that so many of us know that something is missing, we know that there is more, and so we set about on this journey of seeking. I believe that the core of this quest - whether we are aware of it or not - is often one of seeking to deepen our capacity to love, our capacity to relate as hearts with ears, and our capacity to live our lives as prayers and in remembrance of our connectedness with all beings and all of life.

Today I recognize my vulnerability in 1995 to being drawn to a therapist - and to authors and other "healers" over the years - who would trigger so much that remained unresolved in my heart in a way which exasperated those deeper wounds rather than helped them heal. And to the degree that I was unknowingly walking yet one more time down a heart-deadening path rather than a life-nourishing one, my unattended suffering continued to show up in many different forms again and again, each time presenting itself for healing. There had been addiction, depression, fibromyalgia, symptoms in my children, and on and on. That said, in the midst of hell, and if we are blessed enough with the courage to not give up, so much can finally become clear. And ultimately, as my disassociative thawing out progressed and my awakening continued, little by little I was finally able to hear, to discover, and to open to the true healing my deepest being longed for.

I am writing this today to acknowledge how it is that many of us can be vulnerable to aligning with others who in some way do not support us in growing more deeply loving and compassionate with ourselves and others. The question for me, always, is does this person and belief system mirror vulnerability, tenderness, empathy and compassion? Does this person we turn to for insight and support help us open, heal, and expand our hearts? Or in some subtle, or not so subtle,  way are we being directed to bypass our heart's deeper pain and our soul's deeper wisdom? Without the power of discernment, we may be drawn to those exact people who in some way replicate how we were not seen, not validated, not met with the compassionate mirroring eyes and tenderness of heart that we all needed in our childhoods as much as we needed air to breathe and food to eat.

Where, when, how is it that any of us turn away from the experience of being human? How did we get lost? How do we remember what we have lost and forgotten?

Life is such an amazing journey. I love this quote by the Dalai Lama: "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." There have been many times in my life in which I was so attached to a particular "healer" that I ignored and threw out the wisdom my own inner knowing and deepest Self. When the cost of the resulting distorted beliefs and blind spots, disconnects and dependencies, continued illusions and wounded actions ultimately presented their bill, I was devastated and thrown into confusion, despair, grief, and not knowing. Not knowing can be such a good thing. For years, I had a bumper sticker up in my kitchen as a reminder: Don't Believe Everything You Think. Amen! Gratefully, I also sought the lesson buried in all this suffering.

Today I deeply know how important it is to discern who to trust and who not to trust. I increasingly recognize how to listen and open to my experiences with empathy and wisdom, how to recognize and let go of judgments, how to treat myself and others with respect and compassion, and how to not lose myself searching for healing and love in all the wrong places. I also have learned to recognize my vulnerability to replay old traumatic patterns in my relationships today, and with that recognition I am empowered to make different choices. 

I hold myself and others with deep compassion. Learning these lessons can be especially difficult when our instincts have been injured, when we have histories of trauma and disassociation, when we have learned as children to disconnect from our higher wisdom and instead develop a high tolerance for inappropriate, dismissive, abusive, and unkind behavior.  For myself, and for any one of us, it is not uncommon to become blinded to how our unhealed wounds make us especially vulnerable to repeating patterns experienced as children and carry that which is unresolved, and also familiar, on into adulthood. This can certainly be seen in those we are drawn to as partners, friends, therapists, teachers, and more.

Gratefully, this is only part of the story. For right along side those who I learned so much through a great deal of suffering are also those who have truly empowered me to open and heal my heart. The list of those who reflected the part of my shadow that holds all my strengths, potentials, and true nature is too great to list here. That said, I am moved to give a deep bow to all my teachers, both those who mirrored my disassociation from my loving nature and those who provided true healing. All pointed to what was lacking and what was needed. 

The first question by Byron Katie in "The Work" is indeed a powerful one: "Is it true?" In returning to deepening our skillfulness of discernment, and in all areas, I would ask - is it true that this which I am considering embracing offers me a path to healing and humility, to vulnerability and authenticity, to empathy and compassion, to tenderness and love? Is it true that in following this path I am empowered to more fully embrace life in all its 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows? Is it true that this journey I am rooting into offers a pathway to the authentic empowerment and wisdom that comes with opening our hearts ever more deeply? Will it lead me into a greater experience of peace, connection, and consciousness of the beauty of my true nature and that of all beings? Are our choices, beliefs, actions rooted in a Path of Heart? Is this true?

 

 Namaste ~ Molly

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What will follow is a second post on this topic.