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| All Photos are by Molly |
Reflections on the Personal to Global
Implications of Reframing
Addiction, Mental Illness, and the
Many Faces of Human Suffering
There are many times that I look upon our revered elders, past and present, and am amazed with their resilience, courage, and unwavering commitment to ― and consciousness of ― a highest good for all. These are the truth-tellers and wisdom-keepers, teachers and visionaries, authors and activists, artists and poets whose gifts permeate our individual and collective minds and hearts and souls with deeper truths, nourishment and hope, beauty and inspiration, compassion and love, and the awareness of our sacred interrelatedness with all of life.
So many elders spontaneously come to mind. And I find myself thinking of Jane Goodall, Joanna Macy, Pema Chödrön, Arundhati Roy, Amy Goodman, Riane Eisler, Alice Walker, bell hooks, Maya Angelou, Dorothy Day, Hannah Arendt, Angela Davis, Terry Tempest Williams, Joy Harjo, Rachel Naomi Remen, Mary Oliver, Sir David Attenborough, Howard Zinn, Noam Chomsky, Chris Hedges, Gabor Maté, Richard Schwartz, Henry Giroux, Norman Solomon, Daniel Ellsberg, Father Daniel Berrigan, Albert Einstein, Bill Moyers, Bernie Sanders, Wendell Berry, Francis Weller, Thích Nhất Hạnh, and countless others. They bear witness to and illuminate both the sorrows and horrors of our world and also its exquisite beauty and sacredness.
And I am inspired, informed, and opened up to greater awareness, tenderness and strength of heart, courage and love, and connection with and caring for all of life everywhere. Over time ― and as my own internal walls have been coming down that I had unknowingly built around my heart ― there have grown to be no borders, no exclusions to my circle of caring. The wisdom and modeling of our elders has been a significant part of my journey into elderhood and into the greater wholeness of who I am and the wholeness of our interconnected sacred world.
I have also looked with curiosity and deep interest in coming to understand how our elders have deepened and sustained their fierce commitment to truth, to justice, to empathy and compassion, to courage and beauty and love over time? And even over the course of decades and through the darkest times, how did they did not lose connection with something within themselves that did not collapse, but that endured? These attributes, this integrity and strength of character and heart, are what I too have sought to increasingly embody.
And certainly these are among the qualities that we need to be mindfully growing and expanding within ourselves and also collectively in our world today. Because isn't it ultimately Love that is the greatest medicine for our healing and transformation and that of life on Earth?
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There was a time when I identified as having a disease, which is what I had been told alcoholism is. A disease. "Hello, I'm Molly and I'm an alcoholic." And, of course, where there is one addiction there are likely to be others. This was certainly true of me. I was addicted not just to alcohol, but also to cigarettes and other drugs, to image management and perfectionism, to sex and unhealthy relationships, to caretaking and focusing on others, to judgments and projections, to harmful mental and emotional states, to depressing and suppressing my needs and emotions, and more.
There was also a time when I identified as having an illness. Gratefully, when my beloved Dr. Peter Reagan diagnosed me with fibromyalgia in 2003, he was well aware that I "hadn't had a life that was a walk in the park," as Dr. Pete framed it ― he knew about my history of trauma and addictions. And, after advising me to "not get stuck in my diagnosis," he sent me off to get alternative care. My Dr. Pete did not prescribe any pain meds and he did not tell me that this was an illness that I would have to live with. Instead, he referred me to alternative care resources and encouraged me to "not get stuck in my diagnosis."
What a different world we would live in if we didn't get stuck in our diagnoses, whether that diagnosis is an addiction, anxiety or depression, fibromyalgia and other autoimmune illnesses, as a trauma survivor, and so many other symptoms and illnesses which plague our culture and are epidemic in our nation and beyond. How vastly transformed we hold the potential to be, both individually and collectively, if we had the support, courage, wisdom, and commitment to utilizing the parts of ourselves that are suffering as doorways into our larger Self and the sacred wisdom, strength, compassion, and love that is our actual essence and birth right.
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How do we do this ― how do we not get stuck in so many diagnoses that are prevalent in our society? But rather, how can we utilize a diagnosis or an array of symptoms ― of an illness or addiction, or of a sense of isolation and separateness, or of the fears and shame and anger and grief we repress and carry within ourselves, or of any pattern which causes us pain and suffering ― in ways which enhance our lives, strengthen our resilience and wellness, hold and heal and transform old wounds, and grow our inner and outer experiences of peace and connection and compassion and love?
This had been the missing piece for decades in my journey of healing and awakening. What I have discovered within myself over the past nearly twenty years, and also witnessed in so many others professionally and personally, is this crucial awareness of the links that are commonly missing for so many as we seek to heal ourselves and find greater peace and meaning and belonging and love in our lives:
- A need to explore, embrace, understand, and transform ancestral and cultural pain and trauma
- A need to do this deep heart work while gaining the skills to not be retraumatized, flooded, and overwhelmed
- A need to recognize and work with our triggers in ways which help us to unburden ourselves from old wounds and experience greater peace and freedom
- A need to come to hold with compassion, consciousness, gratitude, and love all of our many parts
- A need to understand that our many parts are not the core of who we are
- A need to grow strong our connection with our Self ― our sacred essence
That's it.
Instead, and for many years, I had thought that I had to live with being an alcoholic and remain vigilant and fearful of this disease that was "cunning, baffling, and powerful." And I needed to overcome and transcend my "defects of character" ― my inner critic and fears and shame and other parts of myself. I needed to do battle with my inner demons and slay those harmful parts that had possessed me. And I needed to be on this path of self-improvement, getting rid of those "bad" parts and "improving" who I was. And, during my phase of spiritual bypassing, I needed to just embrace the power of now and learn to live in the moment. And on and on. I just needed to do these things and everything would work out.
Only that isn't what happened. Stuffed down addictions popped up in other forms. My first marriage of 30 years remained painful. Our sons showed up with symptoms of generational trauma as they hit adolescence. Deep layers of shame and pain and trauma remained buried deep within myself. And here I thought that I had "broken the cycle" of addictions and pain. I had not.
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What has followed have been many years in therapy healing from the impact of the therapy and harmful messages and beliefs that I had internalized through the many previous years of counseling, 12 Step meetings, and other resources of support which often did help in some ways while unknowingly causing harm to myself and my family in other ways. Both happened: there was definitely sobriety and some healing and partial awakening and there was also the perpetuation of untouched places of pain and trauma within myself that had for so very long yearned for attention and understanding, tenderness and compassion, unburdening and transformation, wisdom and love.
Essentially, I was now, finally, rooting into a path of learning how to love myself. This was not about transcending anything, but rather about transformation. And a critical part of this has been the connection with my sacred core ― my Self, Buddha nature, Christ consciousness, Spirit, or however you would want to call the Sacred within ourselves.
This was the heart path where there was nothing to get rid of, nothing to transcend, nothing to be ashamed of or to fear, nothing that I couldn't learn to embrace without being overwhelmed and flooded, nothing that I couldn't open to holding with the deepest compassion and love.
Pema Chödrön reflects upon our journey of awakening in this way...
The Love That Will Not Die
Spiritual awakening is frequently described
as a journey to the top of a mountain.
We leave our attachments and our worldliness
behind and slowly make our way to the top.
At the peak we have transcended all pain.
The only problem with this metaphor is
that we leave all the others behind --
our drunken brother, our schizophrenic sister,
our tormented animals and friends.
Their suffering continues, unrelieved
by our personal escape.
In the process of discovering our true nature,
the journey goes down, not up.
It’s as if the mountain pointed toward the
center of the earth instead of reaching into the sky.
Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures,
we move toward the turbulence and doubt.
We jump into it. We slide into it. We tiptoe into it.
We move toward it however we can.
We explore the reality and unpredictability
of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away.
If it takes years, if it takes lifetimes,
we will let it be as it is. At our own pace,
without speed or aggression,
we move down and down and down.
With us move millions of others,
our companions in awakening from fear.
At the bottom we discover water,
the healing water of compassion.
Right down there in the thick of things,
we discover the love that will not die.
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So the question now may be how do we blossom into the beauty of who are are? Or perhaps this is an imperative, a need for growing numbers of us as human beings to evolve and increasingly come to embody the essence of our sacred Self.
Just watching the news stories and the commercials on TV can tell us that something crucial is deeply unhealthy and missing for us in our culture and beyond. We are immersed in advertisements for medications to treat anxiety and depression and an endless array of illnesses, products which communicate that we will find happiness and love through endless consumerism, pervasive messages of dehumanization and separation and polarization, stories related to addiction and poverty and violence, and countless narratives of human suffering.
And I don't believe that it has to be this way. I don't believe that we are doomed to an eternal status quo that is killing us and the planet. I just don't. It my belief and my experience that it is both possible and necessary to reframe how it is that we think about and respond to and treat the many faces of suffering that we are experiencing and witnessing in humans and other beings on Earth.
And this is already happening! All I have to do is look to our elders and my own transformative journey and that of countless others to know that profound healing and transformation is possible ― and even for those of us who have experienced deep trauma. We can heal. We can awaken. We can increasingly come to embody our wholeness as sacred beings connected with all of life.
Living Self-led lives can also be inspiring, contagious, and hopeful for all of us. Rather than being sucked into despair and stuck in our individual and collective woundedness and trauma, there are more and more of us who are shining bright light on what it is to be evolving into deeper and deeper connection with our Self.
Again and again I am moved to share Mark Nepo's eloquent description of Self: — “Each person is born with an unencumbered spot, free of expectation and regret, free of ambition and embarrassment, free of fear and worry; an umbilical spot of grace where we were each first touched by God. It is this spot of grace that issues peace. Psychologists call this spot the Psyche, Theologians call it the Soul, Jung calls it the Seat of the Unconscious, Hindu masters call it Atman, Buddhists call it Dharma, Rilke calls it Inwardness, Sufis call it Qalb, and Jesus calls it the Center of our Love.”
It is our connection with Self that ultimately...
- frees us to recognize and understand, hold and heal, unburden and transform, and love our many parts
- frees us to recognize Self in others and to hold with compassion rather than judgment the many parts of others
- frees us over time to honor ― while also no longer identifying with ― our smaller parts
- frees us to unburden our old exiled wounds and instead experience increasing freedom from old triggers, addictions, depression, illness, and other symptoms related to unaddressed generational and cultural pain and trauma
- frees us to know greater resilience and strength of heart and compassion and love than we ever could have imagined possible when we only knew ourselves through identification with our parts, our triggers, and our pain and trauma rather than the wholeness of being a fully embodied human being connected with our larger Self.
- frees us to experience peace, belonging, connection, and trust in our capacity to face even the most painful times in our lives without losing our connection with Self
- frees us to increasingly live with integrity, humility, authenticity, compassion, wisdom, and love
- frees and empowers us to expand in an ongoing way our spiritual intentions rooted in doing no harm, in working to alleviate suffering in ourselves and our world, and evolving and deepening the skills, compassion, and wisdom needed to utilize the suffering and trauma we experience and are witness to as vehicles for our growth
- frees us to live whole-heartedly
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It is my belief and my experience that there is great need for us to better understand the roots of addictions, of mental illness, and of the many faces of human suffering. This awareness empowers us to experience increasingly Self-led lives individually and collectively. This is the deep healing and transformation and love that I experience in an ongoing way and also witness as being so deeply needed in our world. The implications truly expand beyond our individual healing to greater awakening worldwide.
There are many resources which I have found to be helpful and which I am moved to once again share. In doing so, I recognize and honor that no two healing paths will be the same and that it is important to listen to our own guidance and what speaks to our hearts and souls. That said, this is just a small glimpse into what I have found helpful, healing, and empowering:
- This is a beautiful talk by Francis Weller on grief. Grief is a necessary doorway into what it is to be a fully embodied human being. Francis Weller has said, “The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That’s how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I’ll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I’ll become saccharine and won’t develop much compassion for other people’s suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible.”
So true. So true.
- Rethinking Addiction. This is an excellent interview with Richard Schwartz, Gabor Maté, and Marc Lewis which explores moving away from the disease model of addiction and reframing the roots of addiction and paths of healing. I am 40 years sober now and there is absolutely no chance that I will ever relapse again. Ever. This is the power and the promise of healing, unburdening, and transforming the pain that is the root of all addictions. It is my experience that cultivating a strong connection with Self is an essential part of this process.
- This is an excellent talk by Gabor Maté related to the stress-disease connection and the healing power of authenticity.
- These are excerpts from a beautiful, heartfelt, compassionate, illuminating, and empowering workshop held by Richard Schwartz and Lama John Makransky on becoming our compassion Self.
- This is an amazing series related to the life-changing wisdom and practice of IFS or Internal Family Systems. This is Part 5, and I recommend watching the entire series. Illuminated here is how we can heal and transform our old wounds, wounds we all have, and find enduring freedom from even the most engrained painful patterns which have caused deep stress and trauma in our lives, in the lives of our loved ones, and in the generations before us. Held here are the essential pieces which were missing in my many years decades ago of "inner child work." This is a transformative path which holds the potential to open us to an enduring and profound experience of freedom, peace, clarity, compassion, and love.
- Illuminated in this interview with Richard Schwartz is again the journey of deep healing from emotional pain and generational and cultural trauma. Cultivating our connection with our core Self is integral to this deeply spiritual and transformative process.
There is so much more that I could share and this is but a glimpse into what I have experienced as incredibly supportive in my process of awakening from generations of ancestral and cultural pain and trauma. It is my deep hope that something here will also be helpful, empowering, and illuminating on your journey.
We can address the roots of the deeper pain that we carry individually and collectively. And part of this process entails a radical reframing of addiction, mental illness, and the many faces of human suffering which plague ourselves, our families and loved ones and communities, and our nation and beyond. It needs to also be affirmed that this is the pathway to joy and beauty, connection and belonging, peace and freedom, wisdom and compassion and love.
We humans can reach out our hands and hearts in support of one another, shining bright light on our heartfelt caring and on what is possible. And may we all increasingly work together towards a more peaceful, sustainable, caring, and just world. May we be that courageous and care that much. Just imagine how it is that we can continue to expand on what our part is in making the impossible possible. This is my vision, one that I know that I share with countless others. We are truly all in this together. And we all are worthy of belonging and kindness and beauty and peace and freedom and love.
Bless us all, no exceptions...
💗
Molly
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