Thursday, August 31, 2023

Deepest Gratitude For Ceremony and How It Has Changed My Life

The sacred arbor, 2022
This is the planning committee for the 2002 Ceremony - my last ceremony as a matron

2010 Ceremony with dear friends
2022 Ceremony - I was honored to be Intercessor

In a few hours I will be leaving for an annual ceremony that I first attended in 1999. The Women of the 14th Moon Ceremony is a women's ceremony that is one thread woven into my life changing experiences over the past many years. It is here that we gather on the land as maidens, matrons, and elders to welcome and support each other, to heal and awaken, to celebrate and laugh and cry, and to give voice to our experiences and what it is that most matters. It is here in this ceremony that I have experienced deepening relationships and trust with other women, that I have shed my fear of growing older and have embraced elderhood with gratitude and purpose, that I have dismantled the image management and perfectionism that our culture teaches, that I have recognized and honored the Sacred Feminine and the sacred interconnection with other women and with all of life, and that I have stepped more fully into the wholeness of who I am. And there is so much more. This morning I bow to these many incredible blessings and gifts. And I wish for us all that we find in an ongoing way that which most strengthens and nourishes our hearts and souls. Blessed be. 🙏💗Molly

Wednesday, August 30, 2023

Naomi Shihab Nye: Kindness

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.


Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

— Naomi Shihab Nye, From Words Under the Words: Selected Poems.  

Mary Oliver: My Work Is Loving the World

Photo by Molly
My Work Is Loving the World

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird - 
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all ingredients are here,

Which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.

― Mary Oliver

Fred Rogers: There Are Three Ways To Ultimate Success

Loving wisdom to live by from Fred Rogers, 
a beloved national treasure. These quotes are 
just a glimpse. May we all be inspired by
this rich legacy of kindness and love. 
💗 Molly

As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we're giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That's one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.

We get so wrapped up in numbers in our society. The most important thing is that we are able to be one-to-one, you and I with each other at the moment. If we can be present to the moment with the person that we happen to be with, that's what's important.

We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.

Even though no human being is perfect, we always have the chance to bring what’s unique about us to life in a redeeming way.

Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero.

There is no normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.

Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort.

* * * * *

You can't really love someone else unless you really love yourself first.

When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.

Feeling good about ourselves is essential in our being able to love others.

Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life.

Who we are in the present includes who we were in the past.

It's good to be curious about many things.

Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else.

It's really easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we do is more important than what we are. Of course, it's the opposite that's true: What we are ultimately determines what we do!

Our society is much more interested in information than wonder, in noise rather than silence...And I feel that we need a lot more wonder and a lot more silence in our lives.

It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

* * * * *

Listening is where love begins: listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors.

Love and trust, in the space between what’s said and what’s heard in our life, can make all the difference in this world.

Whatever we choose to imagine can be as private as we want it to be. Nobody knows what you're thinking or feeling unless you share it.

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.

Often, problems are knots with many strands, and looking at those strands can make a problem seem different.

The only thing evil can't stand is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life's important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life.

In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.

I feel so strongly that deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex.

* * * * *

How many times have you noticed that it's the little quiet moments in the midst of life that seem to give the rest extra-special meaning?

We all have different gifts, so we all have different ways of saying to the world who we are.

If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.

The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile.

Imagining something may be the first step in making it happen, but it takes the real time and real efforts of real people to learn things, make things, turn thoughts into deeds or visions into inventions.

The media shows the tiniest percentage of what people do. There are millions and millions of people doing wonderful things all over the world, and they're generally not the ones being touted in the news.

The thing I remember best about successful people I've met all through the years is their obvious delight in what they're doing and it seems to have very little to do with worldly success. They just love what they're doing, and they love it in front of others.

It’s not so much what we have in this life that matters. It’s what we do with what we have.

Real strength has to do with helping others.

* * * * *

I don't think anyone can grow unless he's loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.

Little by little we human beings are confronted with situations that give us more and more clues that we are not perfect.

There's a part of all of us that longs to know that even what's weakest about us is still redeemable and can ultimately count for something good.

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.

The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.

Everyone longs to be loved. And the greatest thing we can do is to let people know that they are loved and capable of loving.

Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.

Taking care is one way to show your love. Another way is letting people take good care of you when you need it.

Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It’s the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff.

* * * * *

When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.

Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.

Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person.

In every neighborhood, all across our country, there are good people insisting on a good start for the young, and doing something about it.

There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.

Try your best to make goodness attractive. That's one of the toughest assignments you'll ever be given.

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Fred LaMotte: Ancestry

I love this poem. Here is illuminated our interconnection with all that is. While so many be continuing to build barriers  of disconnection, there are those who bless us with remembrance of deeper truths. In the words of Thích Nhất Hạnh, "We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness." So true. And in this awakening, this remembering of the sacred thread that is woven through all of life, we are transformed. Blessed be. 🙏 Molly

Photo by Molly
Ancestry

My Ancestry DNA results came in.
Just as I suspected, my great great grandfather
was a monarch butterfly.
Much of who I am is still wriggling under a stone.
I am part larva, but part hummingbird too.
There is dinosaur tar in my bone marrow.
My golden hair sprang out of a meadow in Palestine.
Genghis Khan is my fourth cousin,
but I didn't get his dimples.
My loins are loaded with banyan seeds from Sri Lanka,
but I descended from Ravanna, not Ram.
My uncle is a mastodon.
There are traces of white people in my saliva.
3.7 billion years ago I swirled in golden dust,
dreaming of a planet overgrown with lingams and yonis.
More recently, say 60,000 B.C.
I walked on hairy paws across a land bridge
joining Sweden to Botswana.
I am the bastard of the sun and moon.
I can no longer hide my heritage of raindrops and cougar scat.
I am made of your grandmother's tears.
You conquered rival tribesmen of your own color,
chained them together, marched them naked to the coast,
and sold them to colonials from Savannah.
I was that brother you sold, I was the slave trader,
I was the chain.
Admit it, you have wings, vast and golden,
like mine, like mine.
You have sweat, black and salty,
like mine, like mine.
You have secrets silently singing in your blood,
like mine, like mine.
Don't pretend that earth is not one family.
Don't pretend we never hung from the same branch.
Don't pretend we don't ripen on each other's breath.
Don't pretend we didn't come here to forgive.
― Fred LaMotte

Vandana Shiva: What We Owe Each Other

 

[How do I do it?] Well, it's always a mystery, because you don't know why you get depleted or recharged. But this much I know. I do not allow myself to be overcome by hopelessness, no matter how tough the situation. I believe that if you just do your little bit without thinking of the bigness of what you stand against, if you turn to the enlargement of your own capacities, just that itself creates new potential. And I've learned from the Bhagavad-Gita and other teachings of our culture to detach myself from the results of what I do, because those are not in my hands. The context is not in your control, but your commitment is yours to make, and you can make the deepest commitment with a total detachment about where it will take you. You want it to lead to a better world, and you shape your actions and take full responsibility for them, but then you have detachment. And that combination of deep passion and deep detachment allows me to take on the next challenge, because I don't cripple myself, I don't tie myself in knots. I function like a free being. I think getting that freedom is a social duty because I think we owe it to each not to burden each other with prescription and demands. I think what we owe each other is a celebration of life and to replace fear and hopelessness with fearlessness and joy.

― Vandana Shiva


Terry Tempest Williams: The Eyes of the Future

Photo by Molly

The Eyes of the Future

The eyes of the future are looking back at us,
and they are praying
that we might see beyond our own time.
They are kneeling with hands clasped
that we might act with restraint,
that we might leave room for the life
that is destined to come.
To protect what is wild is to protect what is gentle.
Perhaps the wildness we fear
is the pause between our own heart beats,
the silent space that says we live only by grace
Wilderness lives by this same grace
Wild mercy is in our hands.

― Terry Tempest Williams

Monday, August 28, 2023

How to Honor the Environmental Legacy of the March on Washington

The civil rights leader Martin Luther King waves to supporters 28 August 1963 on the Mall in Washington D.C. (Washington Monument in background) during the "March on Washington." (Photo: AFP via Getty Images)

Both Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and A. Philip Randolph passionately tied the fight against racism to the larger war for economic opportunity, workers' rights, and environmental justice.

By ROSANITA RATCLIFF

The 60th anniversary of the March on Washington offers an occasion to celebrate and reflect on the tireless activism of figures like A. Philip Randolph and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. While their calls for justice and equality are well documented, one pivotal piece of their vision remains especially relevant today: environmental stewardship.

Both Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and A. Philip Randolph passionately tied the fight against racism to the larger war for economic opportunity, workers' rights, and environmental justice.

Detroit, with its intricate tapestry of labor rights interwoven with racial challenges, provided the atmosphere in which Dr. King crafted parts of his infamous speech. The city represented the crossroads of race, work, economic, and environmental obstacles that America faced.

As we reflect on the goals of the March on Washington and the subsequent Freedom Budget that came from it, it becomes clear that our commitment to justice should be holistic, encompassing not just economic and racial equity, but environmental justice as well.

In the 1930s, President Franklin D. Roosevelt's Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) laid the groundwork for what would be a significant employment program that benefited not only the environment but also society. Corps members received room, board, and clothes. Their salary was $30 (slightly more for veterans) per month and they sent $25 a month home to their families. The CCC's lesser-known narrative involves its 250,000 African American members, the "Hidden Figures," who worked against the odds, combating societal prejudices while preserving the land and its natural resources.

An amendment calling to pay $50-$80 a month to the young men of the CCC was defeated. If King and Randolph's plea for a $2 ($19 in 2023 dollars) federal minimum wage remains unmet 55 years later, it serves as a stark reminder that our commitment to equity must be unwavering and forward-thinking. We must understand the difference between poverty wages, nonprofit industrial complex wages, and wages that provide economic security.

Today, the values of the CCC are echoed in programs like AmeriCorps' National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC), FEMA CorpsResilience Corps, and the Climate Corps. However, as we seek to emulate the successes of the past, we must also recognize areas where more investment is needed.

Home ownership and affordable rental options are the backbone of the American dream, yet current real estate trends leave many behind. To ensure the young people dedicating their lives to service can still dream, agencies and federal matching funds need to be boosted, and higher wages for corps members must become a priority. Furthermore, if smaller, low-budget nonprofits—often helmed by individuals from marginalized communities—are to be true partners in this endeavor, the federal government must grant them more matching fund waivers.

As we train the next generation of environmental stewards, it's crucial that their skills translate into long-term, high-paying jobs. The African American members of the 1930s CCC, despite their contributions, often found themselves with limited opportunities post-service. Today's Corps members should not only be trained in labor-intensive roles but also equipped for roles in the burgeoning green economy, ensuring their sustainability in the workforce.

Moreover, collaboration with higher education institutions to provide scholarships and college matches for corps members can bridge the gap between service and higher education, much like some did for the African American CCC members in the 1930s. Historically, HBCUs have played a commendable role in offering opportunities for higher education to corps members. Their partnership in providing scholarships and facilitating academic transitions has been invaluable.

Yet, the responsibility of fostering the next generation of environmental stewards shouldn't rest on HBCUs alone. More public and private universities, along with registered apprenticeship programs and labor unions need to join this effort. By fostering partnerships and offering educational opportunities, we can broaden the horizons for corps members, ensuring they are not only trained for immediate roles but are also equipped for the long-term challenges of a green economy.

Environmental justice is intrinsically linked to public health, which is why the role of the Public Health Corps in this dialogue is paramount. Pollution, inadequate access to clean water, heat islands, and other environmental hazards disproportionately affect marginalized communities. As we reflect on the goals of the March on Washington and the subsequent Freedom Budget that came from it, it becomes clear that our commitment to justice should be holistic, encompassing not just economic and racial equity, but environmental justice as well.

As we honor the legacy of the March on Washington and of Dr. King's reflections in Detroit, let's remember that the fight for justice spans multiple fronts. Sixty years later, may we be inspired by the past, act in the present, and lay down a path for a more equitable, greener future.

Please go here for the original article: https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/march-on-washington-environmental-justice

60 Years After “I Have a Dream”: Gary Younge on MLK’s March on Washington & the Fight for Racial Justice

 Such an excellent, illuminating, and deeply
important interview. ― Molly

After thousands gathered Saturday in Washington, D.C., to mark the 60th anniversary of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s historic “I Have a Dream” speech at the 1963 March on Washington, we speak with Gary Younge, author of The Speech: The Story Behind DrMartin Luther King Jr.'s Dream. “There is this notion of King’s dream speech as being folded into America’s liberal mythology: America is always getting better, it’s always getting more wonderful,” says Younge, who wrote his book on the speech to reflect America’s current struggle with white supremacy and attacks on people of color. “As things can go forwards, so can they go backwards.”

Please go here for the full original interview and transcript: https://www.democracynow.org/2023/8/28/gary_younge_mlk

Gary Younge on Jacksonville Shooting & Why America’s Gun Problem “Makes Its Racism More Lethal”


On Saturday, a white supremacist gunman killed three Black people at a store in Jacksonville, Florida, in a racially motivated attack. Authorities say the 21-year-old white gunman initially tried to enter the historically Black college Edward Waters University, but he was turned away by a security guard before driving to a nearby Dollar General and opening fire with a legally purchased attack-style rifle. America’s gun problem “makes its racism more lethal,” says Gary Younge, author of 
Dispatches from the Diaspora: From Nelson Mandela to Black Lives Matter. “There’s been a significant increase in the number of hate crimes, particularly in anti-Black hate crimes, and one has to be able to connect that to the political situation that surrounds us,” says Younge, who says the shooter’s actions are reflective of the current attacks on Black history and represent a backlash to increased racial consciousness following the murder of George Floyd.

Please go here for the original part of today's program: https://www.democracynow.org/2023/8/28/gary_younge_jacksonville

Reflecting on History: 60 Years Since the Historic March on Washington

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Some Thoughts On Harshness, Healing, and Becoming the Helpers Our World Needs

Photo by Molly  Kuan Yin

Some Thoughts On Harshness, Healing, and
Becoming the Helpers Our World Needs

Today I have been reminded of  Mr. Rogers. He famously quoted his mother saying to "look for the helpers" when things get scary and painful and hard. And these are certainly hard times.

My heart is just feeling really tender right now. And sad, really sad with all the harshness that is too often all around us and inside of us. I see this harshness in how we may react to those in positions of power who are causing so much harm, to the person we flip off after they cut us off on the freeway, to family members or friends who have unaddressed trauma and addictions, to people whose religion or race or politics or sexual orientation is different from our own, to our own children or pets who aren't doing what we want them to, and on and on.

And I am reminded of Mr. Rogers who emphasized how important it is to do our best to never use harshness. We can be angry, we can feel scared, we can want to strike back when threatened. And, yet, Fred Rogers wisely spoke of how harshness is never the answer. It never helps. Yes, we can be firm, we can express our needs and emotions, we can assert our boundaries ― and all of this and more can be done without harshness.

In this moment I'm feeling weighted down with all the harshness that is so normalized and justified in our culture and in ourselves. I feel grief, grief for how unskilled we humans can be and how often it is that we add to the harm within ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations, and beyond rather than being among those who are "helpers." 

Photo by Molly

My intentions are simple: Do no harm. Alleviate the suffering in the world. Live my life as a prayer. 

To do my very best each day to live in alignment with my intentions and my deepest values requires of me many things. Among them are a consistent gratitude practice, recognition of beauty and grace, connection with empathy and compassion, an honoring of what is sacred, and my evolving capacity to give and receive and be love. 

Added onto that is also mindfulness, accountability, humility, healing my own wounds in an ongoing way, consciousness of when I am reacting rather than responding, recognition of and intervening on old triggers, openness to teachable moments, an understanding of trauma, commitment to walking my talk, and growing my capacity to respond skillfully to my pain and the pain in our world.

It's easy to say that we are of this religious or that spiritual practice. Yet, how authentically aligned are we with the values we profess to hold in the way that we live our lives? Do we leave our spiritual practice behind when we leave the church, synagogue, sweat lodge, dharma hall, or meditation cushion? Or do we continue to bring forth the light of our hearts and the wisdom of our souls?

Am I trying to say that we should be perfect? No, not at all. I am, after all, a recovering perfectionist. And I can certainly be unskillful in my own thoughts and behaviors. I am human. So, no, this is not in any way about being perfect or a saint or enlightened.

All this said, if we are human, and if we are blessed with resilience and grace, we can do the ongoing work of continuing to grow into our greater fullness and potential as embodied wise and loving human beings. We can inspire and be inspired to be among the "helpers" ― those who are adding to the healing and health and higher good of us all rather than the harshness and harm that is so prevalent in our culture and beyond.

Each and every day we are creating ripples. May we choose wisely what it is that we bring to the greater whole of which we are all connected. 

Bless us all, no exceptions 
🙏💗 Molly

Mr. Rogers is Right About Growth After Trauma

Tears. I just watched the trailer for the 2018 documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor? and am reminded of how deeply this film and this deeply compassionate, wise, and loving man has touched my heart and the hearts of countless others. This article from 2018 remains deeply relevant to today and is a reminder of how invaluable and needed it is for us as human beings to do our best each day to be kind, compassionate, and loving. May the heart of Fred Rogers' wisdom live on in each of us. Bless us all, no exceptions. 🙏 Molly


By 

We all long to feel loved and accepted for who we are. To be seen and comforted in our distress feels soothing and deeply affirming. Emotional support like this is a good sign of secure attachment. When you know your wellbeing matters to someone, that’s another mark of secure attachment.

Childhood is a critical time for learning and experiencing secure attachment. Our earliest relationships do a great deal to establish our sense of self and wellbeing. Knowing, “I matter, my needs matter, and my loved ones will help keep me safe” affirms a child’s sense of self-worth.

Secure attachment helps form a person’s capacity for self-careself-compassion, and healthy relationships. These are essential for our wellbeing. Secure attachment provides a foundation for mental health throughout life.

Secure Attachment Is a Human Need

Yet, not all children grow up with secure attachment. Some children do not grow up feeling seen, loved and accepted for who they are.

Many children experience insecure, anxious or disorganized attachment styles. These can contribute to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). These are painful, and can lead to trauma. Children’s television pioneer Fred Rogers cared deeply about the distress children feel.

Even without having a therapeutic background, Mr. Rogers consistently helped viewers — especially children — learn the nature of secure attachment. His signature PBS series, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, prescribed the elements for secure attachment day after day—even though he never used those words. His programming delivered and taught kindness, love, acceptance and respect. Each episode gave kids assurance that they’re loved for exactly who they are—while showing them how to affirm the same for others.

Fred Rogers consistently presented the essence of emotionally secure relationships for everyone’s benefit. It’s the kind of relationship we all need to grow and thrive as human beings. Anyone can learn to build secure attachment—and it can be established at any point in one’s life!

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” –Fred Rogers

Post-traumatic Growth Is Possible!

The new documentary film, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? shows us a profound example of post-traumatic growth. It reveals Fred Rogers’ own history of trauma, alluding to his experience of being bullied during childhood, depression, and his own struggles with weight. He endured painful shame and loneliness, and spent time in bed, feeling isolated.

I wonder if Rogers’ messages of self-worth and the affirmations he shared with viewers came from his own healing. I wonder if he wanted to help more children find the acceptance he’d always longed for. It made me think of 12-step meetings in which part of the healing process is helping others through peer support. Each person gains something from being of service to others. My impression is that Mr. Rogers not only explained the basis for secure attachment to many children. His neighborhood also helped him continue to heal, thrive and grow as a person. It was his own act of service.

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ― Fred Rogers

Nobody is Perfect!

I especially appreciated how Won’t You Be My Neighbor? portrayed Rogers’ humanity. Even Mr. Rogers wasn’t awesome all of the time. The movie presented the very real perspectives from his sons that it wasn’t always easy growing up with the aura of their father’s sainthood, and that Rogers, as a father, wasn’t always a saint! No matter how far along someone is in their healing—or how much good they do for others—there is always room for self-compassion and growth.

“How sad it is that we give up on people who are just like us.” –Fred Rogers

A Trauma Survivors Deepened Sensitivity

People who have experienced trauma may feel greater sensitivity for others because of what was missing in their own lives. They may see the gaps of unmet needs more clearly. When a trauma survivor has come out the other side of a healing journey, still surviving, and thriving, they may be the best equipped to offer secure attachment to others.

“Love and trust, in the space between what’s said and what’s heard in our life, can make all the difference in the world.” ― Fred Rogers

Are We Just Creating Selfish People?

One of the critiques of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is that it fostered a generation of people who are selfish because they heard: You’re unique, you’re special! I disagree. I believe that children (and adults!) need to hear and affirm self-worth. I believe it is a parent’s job to help a child recognize what makes them special! Assuring one person’s value doesn’t happen at the expense of other people. Affirming a child’s abilities is essential to building inner strength, confidence and compassion. Mr. Rogers was teaching self-compassion before it was popular.

This also made me think immediately of Dr. Dan Siegel’s 4 S’s of secure attachment, in which children and adolescents need to feel: Seen, Safe, Soothed and Secure.

The truth is, it is difficult (maybe impossible!) to have love, kindness and acceptance for others if you don’t first have it for yourself!

“Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.” –Fred Rogers

How Media Can Unify Us and Support Secure Attachment ― or Detract From It

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood first aired in 1968 at a time when many other shows sought laughs at some other character’s expense. The documentary recalls cartoon characters running into things, or watching children getting slimed on Nickelodeon.

Rogers saw a need for something totally different: a show that brought kindness and love. Many years later, after 9/11, Mr. Rogers did a public service announcement as yet another way to unify us using broadcast media and attempting to ask people to respect and love each other.

While TV and technology can bring us together, technology can also isolate us. Family members who sit at the dinner table, eyes glued to their cell phones, can’t give each other secure attachment. A controversial show like 13 Reasons Why or a movement like #MeToo may either isolate us or bring us together. It depends on whether we use them to open up a dialogue.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? is a feel-good film. Yet it reminds us that media can connect or divide us. It’s important to be mindful of how we’re using media and technology. Ask: Is this bringing us closer—or further apart?

In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” ― Fred Rogers

The World Should be Required to See This Movie 

I wish I could prescribe this movie to the whole world. I would make it required viewing for all people—especially politicians and lawmakers. These universal concepts were relevant in the 60s, they’re relevant today, and they’ll be relevant as long as we’re all human beings.

Mr. Rogers reminds us to “look for the helpers.” That’s a great example of one of my top 8 ways to feel safe right now, specifically number 5: Be a safe space.  

How can we be like Mr. Rogers? Perhaps we can all show more kindness, love, respect and acceptance to those around us.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” – Fred Rogers

143: I Love You 

This video shows the special meaning Mr. Rogers found in the number 143. He reminded children: you’ll find many ways to say I love you.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” ― Fred Rogers

Who is Your Mr. Rogers?

You may find important examples of consistency, kindness, love, and respect from people in your life (even a TV show)! Sometimes just one person can help another build the resilience and hope they need. A resource may be a person, a puppet or a pet… something or someone that allows you to feel special and safe.

Here’s a sweet example from the movie, The Help, in which Aibileen tries to encourage the 4-year-old child she cares for everyday. Aibilieen offers a positive message the child wasn’t getting from her own mother.

Can you notice the Mr. Rogers in your life?

More Wisdom from Mr. Rogers

Here are a few quotes I’d like to end with:

“When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.”
― Fred Rogers, from his Commencement Address at Dartmouth College June 9th, 2002

“There are three ways to ultimate success:
The first way is to be kind.
The second way is to be kind.
The third way is to be kind.”
— A quote posted on the PBS Parents Twitter Account

Healing begins in secure, healthy relationships. I wish for you someone in your life who accepts you for who you are. May you feel accepted even for being different—even if that acceptance comes mainly from yourself. And if you need acceptance I urge you to seek out your Mr. Rogers, whether via therapy, a caring adult, mentor or friend.

Did you see the movie, too? Let me know what you thought on our Facebook page.

Additional Resources:

Image Credit: KUHT, File: Fred Rogers, late 1960s.jpg,  CC by CC0